Spark, In The Dark
by roomsbythesea
Summary: An exploration of the April alternative.
1. Magnetic

_AN:Here's my spiel, and I'll try to make it short! After my last one-shot, where I declared I would no longer be doing chapter pieces, my fingers immediately got annoyed at my mind for dictating what they could and could not write. In revolt of the new decision, this thing was born. Knowing myself and my tendency to lose my muse fairly easily, (and I wasn't even sure I could pull it off), I was a little hesitant to post this until I fully developed the story. So, for your reading pleasure, I will be updating frequently, as most all the chapters have already been written. I invite you to enjoy this with the knowledge that there will not be months and months before updates! Yay! _

More importantly, this story takes place in season six, specifically, beginning during "The Prodigal Daughter Returns". Instead of April, Luke gets another visitor in the diner that day... 

Welcome to my exploration of the April alternative.

--- 

He isn't sure exactly how it had happened, or what exactly he was thinking, but after he finished mopping the floor and turning off all of the lights, he grabbed his keys and went out the back door instead of up the stairs. 

She had slipped him the napkin earlier in the day and maybe, he told himself, he was just going to put an end to whatever had been happening lately. It worries him that she wanted to meet him tonight. It feels illicit and wrong, and yet he turns the key. 

Surely it isn't what he thinks.

But he had lied. He had told Lorelai that he wasn't feeling well and was going to spend the night in his apartment. Unfortunately, she hadn't seemed to mind much. He wishes she would of insisted on his return home. But she hadn't. 

And now he is in his truck, pulled by a force that is inexplicably strong, tense on the steering wheel and loathing himself.

_Three Weeks Earlier... _

Lorelai sits at the counter patiently waiting for him to close up. She's nursing a cup of coffee and impatiently drumming her fingers on the counter. 

Luke is placing a chair on a table and looks over his shoulder to her when he hears her sigh, "You can wait for me upstairs you know." 

She grins and places her chin on her hands, "I know. I just like watching you work." 

Sighing, he continues wiping down the coffee machine, "You're just here to try and make me go faster." 

She shrugs, "Is it working?" 

He buries his grin, "No." 

"You missed a spot." 

He rolls his eyes and finishes it off. He sets down his rag and turns back to her, "Ready?" 

"Done already?" she motions to the unfolded napkins on the counter and the untouched kitchen. 

"I'm not good with an audience." 

"Dirty!" 

"Go, go, get!" he points up the stairs. "I'll finish up before I open." 

"Rebel," she says with a flirty jerk of her head and he rolls his eyes. 

She playfully jumps off the stool and runs towards the stairs. He places the rag underneath the counter and follows.

--- 

Lorelai is lying in bed watching television with a big grin on her face. Other than the television and her occasional laughter, the apartment is washed with a comfortable silence. 

Trying to make up for his shortcomings downstairs, Luke is straightening things around the apartment. He takes a glass from the bedside table to the sink and picks up Lorelai's clothes, folding them onto his chair. 

Satisfied with his progress, he goes over to the bed crawling in beside her. 

He watches her for a second and she turns her head when she senses his eyes on her. 

"What?" she asks softly, noticing the serious expression on his face. 

He pulls her to him and her head rests on his chest. He lightly strokes her head and drops a kiss where his fingers pass. 

"Did I mention I'm sorry about today?" 

She hugs him a little tighter, "I'm sorry too." 

"I'll call Sookie and Jackson tomorrow to apologize." 

"I already did, but I'm sure they'd appreciate it." 

"I didn't mean to be such a jealous, raging jerk." 

"I shouldn't have turned it off right when you walked in." 

"You just freaked." 

"I freaked." She lifts her head up to look at him, "You know I'm not hiding anything right?" 

"I do." 

"And that I would never hide anything like that from you?" 

"I know." 

"And that I love you?" 

"Well I figured," he says with a grin. 

She looks at him waiting, "And..." 

He cocks his head, "And what?" 

She sighs playfully, "And you love me?" 

"And I love you." 

"Good." 

"Very good." 

She settles back onto his chest and closes her eyes. 

"I've missed staying here." 

"Go to sleep," he whispers. 

"It's like our secret romantic getaway." 

"Sleep." 

"And you, such a charmer," she feigns. 

"Eyes closing-" 

"You make my knees weak when you talk like that," she bats her eyelashes. 

"Shhhh..." 

She complies long enough for him to close his eyes, "I bet you say that to all the girls," she teases. 

He smiles, eyes still closed, and she eventually drifts off to sleep, hugging him tightly against her. 

--- 

He isn't sure why she catches his eye. It isn't typical for him to notice customers, but there is something about her. Something that intrigues him. So he watches her. 

He's never seen her before, but anyone could see that she's beautiful. It's a traditional beauty; brown wavy hair and dark eyes to match. She probably isn't even wearing makeup, he muses as he watches her sipping her coffee. 

She hadn't said much to him, just asked him for a coffee with a large smile that showed off her slightly crooked teeth that reminded him of his mother's. They're white, and unless you looked closely, you'd probably think they were perfect. Her skin isn't even unblemished and smooth, there are lines there, imperfections that do nothing but add to her beauty. 

She's reading a newspaper and her hair falls from behind her ear. As she tucks it back, with her left, unringed hand, (he can't help but notice), she catches him looking. 

Embarrassed, he recovers nicely, "Would you like anything to eat?" 

She smiles at him sweetly, "Just coffee for now." 

So he resumes working trying to keep her clear from his vision. He methodically gives Kirk his order, and even Taylor, who seems a little stunned when his burger comes out just as fast as anyone else's. 

Miss Patty comes in and asks for an iced tea and Bootsie gets a plate of meatloaf. 

She's still there, he knows, even though he hasn't dared as much as a glance back in her direction. 

The diner begins getting busier and he's happy for the distraction as he runs back and forth from the kitchen delivering food. 

He'd been avoiding her end of the counter for quite some time, but when the man sitting near her asks for ketchup, he's forced to return to where she sits. 

She clears her throat, grabbing his attention. When he finally looks at her again, she's watching him intently. With a smile she asks, "Could I speak to the manager?" 

"Manager?" Luke asks surprised. "I'm sorry, is there a problem?" 

"Let me guess. You're Luke." 

He raises his eyebrows, "That's me." 

"Well Luke, I'm Sarah." 

"Is there a problem?" he repeats worried. 

"Well the service here is kinda-well..." 

He is annoyed now, "Yeah?" 

She dips her head a little embarrassed, "You see, I've been wanting to order food for some time now and-" 

He cuts her off, feeling once again embarrassed, "Oh geez. Sorry. It's just been kinda hectic in here." 

She accepts his excuse, (even though "hectic" is a bit of an overstatement), but she can't help but notice the blush that rises to his cheeks. She smiles and adds, hoping to ease his embarrassment; "Well I did say I didn't want food earlier, so it's just as much my fault as yours." 

"Sure, um-" he clears his throat, "Ye-, well. No," he stumbles and she smiles at his nervousness. He takes a breath, mentally kicking himself for bumbling like an idiot. "Tell you what, whatever you order, it's on the house." 

She smiles sweetly at him, "Thanks Luke." And with a glint of teasing in her eyes, she pretends to glance over the menu, "Well it all looks so good..." 

He stands patiently, watching her. His eyes, with no permission from his mind, take a minute to get a closer look. They slowly glide over her body; smooth shoulders protruding from a perfect neckline---He catches himself and adverts his eyes just in time for her to look back up. 

"I'll just have one of everything. On the house, right?" 

He smiles at her, shaking his head. 

"Just a burger," she amends. He nods and begins to turn away, when she adds quickly, "With onions." He gives her a grin and a nod. 

He goes to the kitchen telling Cesar the order, without braving another glance in her direction. 

She watches him go with a smile. She shakes her head and returns to the newspaper. 

When Luke returns with her burger, he sets it down in front of her, adverting her attention back towards him. "With onions," he says as he lays it down in front of her, and leaves as quickly as he came. 

She smiles gratefully at his retreating figure and starts on her burger. 

Luke doesn't have to try anymore to advert his attention as the diner starts overflowing with orders. 

By the time he gets back to the counter, she's gone. Beside her plate is a ten-dollar bill and a napkin. Scribbled on it reads,_ "This place wasn't so bad after-all. I'll definitely be back. Thanks, Sarah."_

_Sarah_, he thinks, and smiles. 

From the corner of the diner, Miss Patty watches the entire interaction. She looks at Luke's face and frowns. _This is bad._

--- 

TBC 


	2. The Return

_ AN: Okay, so I guess the reviews were pretty much what I was expecting. Just to clear things up, I am a Luke and Lorelai fan and didn't write this with the intent of upsetting people. This is just a story that I've been wanting to try out for a while now. I understand it's not something that everyone is going to want to read, and I'm okay with that. Having said that, I'll just say I'm thankful for your reviews and the support that I'm getting for this story. It's great to know at least some of you are enjoying it-even if it's in the train wreck kind of way. It is listed as a drama, so expect that. If you're still on the fence, I urge to you stick with it a little while longer. Unfortunately for inquiring minds, I'm hesitant to say much more, as I don't want to give the plot away. For those of you that want to go with me on this ride--enjoy! _

Third chapter will be up in a week or so. 

---

He's coming back from running some errands that afternoon when Sarah catches his eye. She's standing on the sidewalk near Doose's, appearing to be waiting to cross the street. 

She doesn't seem to recognize him at first, but as he slows to a stop, to allow her to cross in front of him, a slow smile of recognition crosses her face as she sees him in the driver's seat. She raises her hand in a small wave as she passes in front of his truck and he returns her smile and lifts his hand waving back at her shyly. He watches her until she reaches the other side of the street, and after a car behind him honks, he puts his truck in gear and continues towards the diner. 

---

Rory had returned home so he was giving them the night together, he had told her. He told himself. It was for no other reason. Certainly not the guilt that had consumed him all day. 

He had tried to ignore it, but it had come full force when Lorelai had run into the diner earlier that night, exclaiming that Rory had returned and that they could set their wedding date. _Wedding date._ The words had slapped him across the face. 

He had tried his best to share in her excitement, but he couldn't help but frown deeply when she ran out with the doughnuts. 

Now, as he wipes the counter down, he tries to neutralize the inner conflict raging war inside of him. Yes, he is attracted to her, but that doesn't mean he wants to run away with her. He's seen beautiful before. He _has_ beautiful. 

It's something else. He recognizes the lines on her face and he knows she's been hurt in her life. He is drawn to her inexplicably. His desire to comfort women, to be their savior, is ever still present after all these years. He'd always been this way, he figures. Always wanting to be the one to offer relief. 

He feels as if he's known her for years, though that is hardly the case. He knows the feeling inside of him. The attraction fueled by wonder and familiarity. The need to fix everyone else's life and forget about his own. 

But, he knows he can never touch her. He thinks that maybe he's already too close for his own good. And yet, he can't stop himself from wanting to get to know her better. 

_What is wrong with him?_

He just can't stop thinking about the wrong woman. He wants to, he really does, but she's everywhere. And he can't get her face out of his mind. Her laugh, her smile- 

He shakes his head angrily. 

Suddenly, he grabs the phone and begins dialing. 

She answers almost immediately, _"Hey you!"_

"Hey. How's the evening going?" 

_"Great! Rory and I are watching movies and eating tons of junk food that would have you lecturing us for days."_

It's good to hear her voice and he smiles, "Good. I'm glad to hear it." 

She teases him, _"Glad we're eating junk food?"_

He corrects with a small smile, "Glad things are back to normal." 

_"It's so nice to have her home."_

"I know it is." 

_"Let me guess. You're calling because you realized that you're missing out on all the fun and want to come hang out with us afterall?"_

He laughs, "Not quite. Just wanted to see how things were going." 

_"They're good."_ She pauses for a second, and when he doesn't say anything, she asks a little worried, _"Hey, everything okay?"_

_Is everything okay. _ He feels even worse than he did before. "Yeah, yeah. Everything's fine. You guys coming in tomorrow?" 

_"Of course! Bright eyed and bushy tailed."_

"Food hungover and sleep-deprived?" 

_"You know us so well."_

"Too well," he pauses and then, starting to feel silly for calling in the first place, adds, "Well I'll let you get back to your night." 

_"Okay, see you tomorrow?"_

"See you tomorrow. Love you." 

She's a little caught off guard, _"Yeah, you too. Goodnight."_

As she hangs up the phone, Rory returns with a renewed supply of food. 

"Well that was weird." 

"Mom, you've seen this a hundred times," Rory comments, motioning to the screen where Violet, the now blueberry, is being rolled off screen. 

"No, not that. Luke called." 

"Luke called?" Rory asks confused. "Why's that weird?" 

"He said 'Love you'." 

Rory scrunches her face not understanding, "And that's weird?" 

"Well kinda. We never say that over the phone." 

"You don't?" 

"No. I mean, not usually. It's just odd, that's all." 

"I don't get it. I think it's sweet. Why are you in a funk?" 

"I'm not in a funk!" she defends. "It's just not Luke. I'm just worried, that's all." 

"Worried cause your fiance just said he loved you?" 

Lorelai pauses, "Well, when you say it like that---" 

"Maybe he just misses you. Can't stand to be away from you for a night! It's romantic." 

"I'm overreacting?" 

"You're overreacting." 

Lorelai takes a deep breath, "Okay." 

"Okay?" 

She smiles reassuringly, "Okay. Back to Willy Wonka!" Rory leans on Lorelai's shoulder. "It's good to have you home kid." 

Rory looks up at her, "Good to be here." 

---

Meanwhile, Luke isn't getting much sleep either. He's tossing and turning as the war rages on. He loves Lorelai. He knows this. Just hearing her voice makes him smile. He is happy. They are happy. They're getting married. 

It worries him that he doesn't recall the last time he had been so intrigued by a woman. Or maybe it worries him more that he does. A certain once-unattainable female comes to mind, bearing a coffee cup and a beautiful smile. 

He wants to blame Sarah's obvious interest in him. That has to be it. So many people come in the diner every day, not so often is it a beautiful woman that shows an interest in him. Maybe she was just following the beacon for distressed women, somehow always finding their way to his doorstep. 

But she is not his to comfort. 

So next time she'd come in, he'd treat her like any other customer. Because that's what she was. And that was that. He'd forget he ever had that encounter and put it down as a normal human reaction to a beautiful woman. 

His plan seemed to work fine, until she came again. 

---

It was between the breakfast and lunch rush and Lorelai and Rory had yet to make an appearance. The door chimed cheerfully and he couldn't help the small smile that appeared as Sarah walked through the door. 

It made him wonder if he had any control over his body at all. 

So convicted to forget her the night before, and now, here she is and an invisible choir sings loudly in his head. 

She smiles at him as she takes a seat at the counter. 

"You know 'on-the-house' means free right?" He tries really hard to be gruff. 

She laughs, which isn't exactly the reaction he was looking for, but he takes it. 

Her laugh fades into a smile, "I'm trying to build a neighborly reputation here. Make some friends." 

He scoffs, "In this town, that won't be a problem." 

"A friendly place?" 

He scoffs again. 

She smiles teasingly, "Well if your attitude is any indication---" 

He rolls his eyes. "Coffee?" he offers. 

"Sure." 

As he pours her cup and sets it in front of her, she smiles tightly, almost embarrassed. 

"Okay, so I have a confession." 

He looks at her nervous, and a little unsure. 

She continues, "There's another reason I left money yesterday." 

He can feel his body stiffening, defensively. "Yeah?" he asks, nervously. 

"Well, you see, I have a problem. I figured I should save up my favors, seeing as I just moved here and all. And I was hoping you knew someone with a truck. Then yesterday, I saw, duh, you have a truck, and so I was hoping you would be able to help me," she rambles on a little quicker, "I don't really know anyone here, and I completely understand if you're busy and unable to help, but I just would need you for an hour, two tops. I could pay you if necessary," she finishes quickly. 

"You need my truck," he repeats unsure. 

"My new place needs quite a bit of work, so I went to the home improvement store and picked out some stuff that I'd need. I always shop at the Mom and Pop stores, but unfortunately, the one I chose doesn't deliver. They said they could, if I really needed it, and they still can. Problem is, it costs a little more than I had expected. Even the salesperson said I would be better off finding someone to help me. So it's completely optional, but it would really help," she rambles. 

He cuts her off, "Sure, I can help." He winces as the words leave his mouth. 

She doesn't notice, "Really?" 

He takes a deep breath, "Sure." 

She smiles warmly, "Thanks Luke." 

"No problem," he automatically responds. 

She takes a deep breath, "You're really saving me." She smiles at him, "You know, you're really not as gruff as you try to seem," she teases. 

He scowls, "Don't spread that around." 

"Your secret's safe with me." She sips her coffee, "When's good for you?" 

"We could go today if you wanted." 

She lights up, "Really?" 

"Sure, after lunch I can slip away for a couple of hours." 

"Around four-ish good?" 

"Four-ish sounds fine." 

"Should I meet you here?" 

He hesitates, "Well I might have another errand to run, so it might be easier to meet there." 

"Do you know where Waldon's is?" 

"Do most of my shopping there." 

"Okay then." She smiles warmly and leans over the counter a bit, lowering her voice, "I really can't thank-" 

She cuts off when Luke's attention diverts quickly away towards the door where two laughing women are entering. He quickly glances back at her, and confused, she watches as he moves hastily away from her, grabbing a rag. 

"Hey!" The older of the two women says to him. He smiles, a little forced it seems, and the younger bounces to the edge of the counter, where he meets her with a hug. 

"It's good to have you back Rory." 

"Good to be back," she says happily, taking a seat next to her mother. 

Lorelai leans across the counter, expectantly. 

Luke kisses her cheek quickly, "So what'll it be?" 

With food and coffee on her mind, she doesn't seem to notice his nervousness. "Coffee!" 

He nods and quickly turns back to the coffee maker, feeling guilt and relief and anger all flooding his mind at once. He wishes he could slam his head repeatedly against the metal object without drawing too much attention. When he turns back to her with her coffee, he can't help but notice that Sarah's gone and there's money lying beside her nearly-full coffee. 

The bell on the door adverts his attention just in time to see her speedily walking out the door. 

Luke shakes his head, pocketing the money and goes to Lorelai with her coffee. Rory has seemingly disappeared, and he leans across the counter and kisses Lorelai fully on the lips. 

"Two 'hello' kisses? What on earth did I do to deserve that?" 

He isn't sure exactly, but he had a feeling it had something to do with the ache he felt in his gut after seeing the newly empty chair. 

"Just happy to see you." 

---

TBC... 


	3. Comfortable

_AN: Sometimes I just shake my head and wonder what I've gotten myself into. Too late to turn back now: Onwards!_

_Also, of course, thank you for the reviews! A lot of you guys had some very insightful things to say__. I enjoyed reading them and would love to respond, but for the sake of the story, I'm going to stay silent. I certainly don't want my voice to interfere with any of the character's voices. But thank you guys very much for the thought you've put into this. It makes all the difference!_

---

As the clock nears three, Luke's anxiety level raises considerably. He wants to tell Lorelai, be honest with her. No secrets. But he can't bring himself to do it. It isn't that there is any secret to keep, he thinks. It's nothing. He's just doing a neighborly thing for a friend. If he said something to her, it would seem it was a bigger deal than it is. And it's not a big deal. It's nothing. If he were doing the same favor for Kirk, he wouldn't feel the need to tell her, so why now?

And by the time 3:30 rolls around, he tells Caesar he is running some errands and goes out to his truck.

He sits there for a second, trying to shake the feeling of guilt that engulfs him. After a second, he cranks the car and throws it into gear.

As he pulls up, he sees Sarah waiting for him by the entrance. He gives her a nod as he parks his car. She gives him a small smile and nods back, but he can't help but notice she seems a little, well, off. Her arms are crossed protectively in front of her, and unlike their other meetings, her smile doesn't quite reach her eyes.

As he approaches her, she wastes no time.

"Thanks so much for this Luke. I really appreciate it."

"It's no prob-" she cuts him off as she bends down to pick stuff up, no longer looking at him. He looks at her strangely, "-lem."

When she returns upright, she notices his odd gaze and gives him a half-smile, "Sorry. I figured I shouldn't waste too much of your time. I'm sure you have to get back to your—" she pauses and continues nervously, "Diner and everything."

"You okay?"

"Oh yeah. Me? I'm perfect. Fine. Let's go."

He watches as she walks away. He can tell something is bothering her but she is halfway to his truck, so he figures he'd better catch up. He grabs some two-by-fours and jogs a bit to meet her.

"Hey," he says catching her. "It's no hurry. I have till six."

She laughs nervously, "Oh okay." She doesn't look at him and he watches as she persists with the work.

He shrugs and continues helping her load up the truck in silence. She seems to be avoiding him, not so much looking in his direction, and always seemingly two steps ahead of him. Every time he approaches the truck, she seems to be heading for another load.

Once all of her purchases are in the truck, she stands by the back waiting for him as he secures some of the smaller items. When he's finished, he turns towards her.

"So if you just want to follow me..." she trails off, pointing to her car next to his.

"Sure," he says unsurely. She nods, and as she starts to walk away, he speaks up, "Are you sure you're okay?"

She looks at him for a long moment, and he watches her carefully. Finally she says, "Yeah. I'm fine," and flashes him an unconvincing smile.

The entire ride tortures him with confusion. He takes a moment at a stoplight to rub his forehead, trying to preemptively ease the headache that seems to be developing. His phone rings and "Sugar Lips" appears on the screen. He sighs, making a mental note to tell Lorelai to stop playing in his address book, and the once developing headache comes on full force as more conflicting emotions come to the surface.

"Hey."

"_Finally!"_ she says as a greeting.

"Finally?" he asks.

"_I've been trying to reach you for an hour_. _I was one step away from giving Kirk a shirt of yours and having him sniff you out_."

"Is everything okay?"

"_Yes_. _And no_. _It's no big deal but I was wondering if you could swing by the inn this afternoon_."

"What happened?" he asks worried.

"_Well I twisted my ankle--long story, but let's just say you were right about those heels I bought last weekend_," she supplies.

"_Anyway, I need some shoes for a meeting I have at five-thirty, and we are completely swamped, so I can't hobble home myself, and we are already short-staffed and I'm currently running, or limping around shoeless, which usually I wouldn't care about, but I'm meeting with a wedding party who already seems a little high-strung, and I don't think they'd appreciate me coming to the meeting barefoot_," she takes a deep breath, "_So I was hoping you could bring me some shoes_," she finishes hopeful.

He feels himself starting to sweat as he looks in his rearview mirror at the load he's carrying, and checks the clock. _Five_. There's no way he can make it back in time. Not telling Lorelai was one thing, lying was another. He grimaces and says hopefully, "Don't you keep an extra pair of shoes there?"

"_They're black. I'm wearing brown. I'd rather go barefoot,"_ she explains incredulously

Now it's his turn to sigh, "I don't think I'll be able to make it by five-thirty."

"_Oh, is the diner busy too?"_ she asks, dispirited.

"I'm actually running a few errands right now," he winces, "What about Rory?" he asks quickly, hoping she doesn't ask for specifics, knowing he'd have to give them to her.

She sighs, _"She's in Hartford, making a graceful exit from her DAR duties. Poor kid."_

He feels horrible as he feels his armor of 'reliable' beginning to crack, "I can come by later if you need," he reaches.

"_No that's okay. I'll figure something out."_

"Okay, well good luck."

"_Thanks anyway."_ She pauses, and they are silent for a second. It's the first time he's actually been able to sense this wall between them. Words unspoken.

It's uncomfortable so he rushes to break it, "I'll see you later?" he asks.

"_Yeah_. _I'll come by the diner tonight_ _after work_."

"Or I can bring you food so you don't have to walk?"

"_Ohh, delivery_. _I like it_."

"I'll be by around eight."

"_Are you going to stay tonight?" _

He hesitates, and she frowns, "Sure," he finally answers, sounding less sure than the word implies.

"_I mean you don't have to—"_

He jumps at her faltering, "I want to. I was just thinking if the bread guy was coming tomorrow or the next day," which isn't a lie. With all the thoughts that have been circulating in his head, his delivery schedule is the last thing on his mind.

"_Okay well see you tonight_."

"See you."

He hears her linger on the other end a little longer than usual, but as Sarah pulls into her driveway he hangs up.

Her house is modest and surrounded by trees. It's a dark brown color with bright trim standing out against the brush. Much like its owner, it reflects a lot of personality in its outer appearance.

She approaches his truck and starts immediately unloading the supplies.

He sighs, still confused, but giving in, letting her continue without looking or speaking to him. He watches her for a second, and then starts helping as well; the air thick with uncomfortable silence.

When the truck is unloaded she pulls out her purse and begins fiddling in her wallet.

"You don't have to do that," he says, already knowing he's lost this battle.

"Um, yeah. I do," she says finally.

She pulls out two one hundred dollar bills.

"That's way too much,"

"They were going to charge me $350, so it's really a steal."

He sighs, "I can't accept that much."

"Please just take it," she says, almost annoyed.

He eyes her wearily, "Give me one and we're even," he concedes.

She looks up at him and sighs, "Fine."

He takes the bill from her placing it in his pocket. "Thanks," he says.

"No, um, thank you," she says nervously.

He nods and jerks his thumb over his shoulder, "Well I'm going to..."

She nods, "Yeah, okay."

"See you around?" he asks.

She nods and the tension seems to be lifted, "You have the best coffee in town," she says as an answer, trying to lighten the mood.

They smile at each other and she suddenly breaks it, looking at the pile in her yard.

"You sure you don't want help taking it inside?"

"I got it from here," she says, trying to sound cheerful.

"If you're sure," he says skeptically.

"You've done plenty, Luke. Thanks."

"No problem," he says slowly, still watching her.

"Bye," she dismisses him.

"Bye."

He walks back to his truck and climbs in, watching her until she's out of sight.

---

Lorelai hobbles out of the jeep in a hurry as she pulls up to her house. Miss Patty, seemingly coming from nowhere meets her the second she has both feet on the ground. It startles her and she raises her hand to her chest.

"God you scared me."

"Sorry dear," Miss Patty says in a rush, "Where's Rory?"

Lorelai looks at Miss Patty skeptically, "Hartford. Why?"

"I wanted to talk to you and haven't been able to catch you alone lately."

"What's up Patty?" she asks, confused.

"It's about Luke."

Concerned, "Luke? Is he okay?"

Miss Patty smiles sympathetically, "I'm just worried, that's all."

"Worried?"

"There was girl in the diner a couple of days ago," she says rushed.

Lorelai laughs, "It is a diner. I can only assume women enter the premises from time to time."

Miss Patty is relentless, "She's new in town. Very pretty." Lorelai's smile doesn't fade, "She seemed to be showing quite an interest in Luke."

She laughs again, "Miss Patty, Luke's an attractive man. That doesn't surprise me in the least," she continues holding up her left hand smiling, "Unfortunately he's taken."

"He seemed to like her too," she says sympathetically. "He was _smiling_," she says incredulously.

Lorelai holds up her hand to stop her, "Listen, I appreciate this but I'm sort of in a hurry." She points to her house, "I'm not worried about it. I'm sure this woman is very nice, but I trust Luke."

Miss Patty looks at her skeptically.

"I'm sure you were just reading into it," Lorelai says, trying to settle Patty's nerves.

"Maybe," Miss Patty concedes, "But you should go in there and mark your territory. Let those women know he's accounted for. These women just swoop in sometimes, taking our men with them."

"Should I write Luke loves Lorelai on the chalkboard in giant letters? Maybe carve it in the counter?" she asks jokingly.

Miss Patty, either not catching the sarcastic tone or just ignoring it, "I'd suggest something a little more subtle, like giving him a big hickey on his neck. That'll show 'em. That's what I did with my fourth husband. Cleared up quite a bit on confusion," she says assuredly.

Lorelai smiles, amused, "Maybe I'll try that."

Miss Patty nods, and finally begins catching her breath, "Okay well I just wanted to tell you."

Lorelai smiles appreciatively, "There's nothing to worry about."

"If you say so. I just don't think this town can take another break-up from you two."

"We're not breaking up," Lorelai says assuring.

"Try the hickey thing."

"I will Patty," she says shaking her head. "But I've got to go."

"Okay dear. Take care."

"Thanks Patty."

Lorelai makes her way into her house, retrieving her shoes.

---

Luke arrives right on time that evening, carrying two large take-out bags.

Lorelai greets him at the door, taking the bags from him and kissing him chastely on the lips. She hobbles to the couch.

He watches concerned, "You sure you're okay?"

She smiles at him, barely pausing from digging through the bags, "Just a little sore. I'll be fine." Her eyes light up as she pulls something from the bag, "Is this an entire pie? Just for me?"

"For you and Rory," he explains. "Where is Rory?"

"She's spending the night with Logan," Lorelai says nonchalantly.

Luke looks a little sick at that, "Forget I asked."

Pulling another item from the bag, "Is this a chili-cheese burger?"

He nods humbly, sitting on the couch beside her.

"Comfort food!"

He motions towards her ankle.

She lunges towards him, hugging him tightly, "You're the best!"

He laughs a little, unconvinced of that himself.

"Have you eaten?" she asks, starting in on her burger.

"I ate at the diner," he answers simply.

She puts her burger down, eying him, "Are you okay?"

He looks at her, "Just tired," he says convincingly.

She nods and continues on her burger.

With a full mouth, she starts talking, "So Miss Patty came by today saying the funniest thing," she says humorously.

"Oh yeah?" Luke says tiredly.

Lorelai puts her burger down, "You really are tired."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. It's just been a long day."

Lorelai looks at him sympathetically, "Why don't you lay down for a little while?"

"You sure?"

"Oh yeah. I'll turn the television on and wake you up when I get bored."

Luke complies, taking his shoes off and laying on the couch. Lorelai grabs his legs, placing them across her lap, and rests her to-go box on his calves.

"Comfortable?" he asks.

She nods, mouth full, watching him lovingly. He smiles at her, and his eyes drift closed.

She doesn't have the heart to wake him a couple hours later when she's ready for bed. He's been sleeping soundly almost since he laid back. She carefully gets up, lifting his legs gently, and placing them back on the couch. He doesn't even stir. She places a afghan on him, and scribbles a note that says, "Wake me before you leave," on the table next to him, before going to bed herself.

He leans over her gently the next morning, whispering her name. She wakes up with a smile.

"Good morning," he says.

"Good morning," she returns.

"I didn't mean to sleep on the couch."

"I didn't have the heart to wake you. You were out cold."

"Sorry I wasn't good company last night."

She waves him off, "Reruns of 'Cheers' was on. I was plenty entertained," she says sleepily.

He kisses her, "Go back to sleep."

"Okay," she says smiling.

"Have a good day today."

"You too," she says, closing her eyes again.

Luke stands there watching her with a smile on his face. When her breathing deepens once again, he grabs his hat and goes for the door.

---

The diner seems slower than usual, which gives Luke a lot of time to think.

He thinks of Sarah's strange mood and her escape from the diner the day before. His mind tries to push away the obvious explanations.

He thinks of Lorelai. Perfect Lorelai. He doesn't need anyone else. He knows this. He had waited to be with her for years. Why is his mind trying to revolt? He hates the feeling. Like his arm is slowly being torn from his body. There is no peace inside of him. A blurring force pushing and pulling and he feels like he's drowning.

He gasps for air, unaware that he was actually holding his breath. He shrugs off the concerned glances he gets from the patrons.

Lorelai comes in around lunchtime, a lot less limpy than the day before. She doesn't stay long, but her presence is a relief from the boring day he's had so far. He smiles, his heart seemingly back on track as it flurries, watching her laughing and smiling and giving him the looks that are saved just for him.

The only out of the ordinary thing that happens all day is when he notices Miss Patty loitering at a table, eying him suspiciously. When he goes to ask her if she'd like anything else, she smiles tightly at him.

"I'm good dear," she says, and he can't help but notice she is eying his neck. He nods strangely, eying her wearily, and goes back to the counter.

And now it is finally closing time and he can't help but feel relieved the day is finally coming to a close.

He jerks his head up surprised when the bell chimes well after the last patron had left. Like the day, it's been a slow night so he had yet to turn the sign the closed.

It's Sarah, who's smiling nervously. He's surprised to see her. The stack of receipts in his hands falls to the floor, ungracefully plummeting to the floor.

"Geez," he says as he bends down to pick them up. He feels her presence before he sees her bending down to help.

"I probably should have knocked," she says.

He laughs embarrassed, "Um, it's okay. I just wasn't paying attention."

They pick the receipts up in silence. When the last of them are safely back on the counter, he smiles at her, "Thanks."

She returns his smile, "Well I feel partially responsible."

They stand awkwardly behind the counter and she finally breaks the silence pointing to the stool, "I should-"

"Potatoes," he says, seemingly out of nowhere.

She gives him a confused, yet amused look. At his startled face, she laughs out loud.

He takes a deep breath, "Nevermind."

---

Lorelai leaves Sookie's and turns to the diner, noticing the lights still on. She breaks out into a smile and starts heading that way. As she approaches, an odd sight catches her attention.

Someone is standing behind the counter with Luke. Her eyes dart to the door, and when she sees the sign flipped to "Closed" her heart nearly drops to her feet.

They are smiling at each other and the words from her conversation with Patty fly through her mind. They exit almost as quickly as they enter as she shakes her head, trying to be rational. They laugh and she stands dumbstruck at the sight in front of her.

She takes a step towards the diner, and then away. She can only watch for another minute before, in what she can only presume is an act of self-preservation, her feet steer her home.

---

"So hi," she says making her way to a stool.

"Hey," he returns with a smile.

"Apparently, I like to make an entrance." She shakes her head and sobers, "Oh sorry, are you closed?"

"I'm getting there but I still have some coffee."

"Coffee would be great. Thanks."

He nods and turns around, fixing her drink. He hears her drumming her fingers nervously on the counter. He slides the drink to her.

"So thanks for the- yesterday-" she starts, trailing off.

"No problem."

"I seriously have been a little lost without a man in my life." She looks up at him startled as the words leave her mouth, "Not like that, of course."

He's also caught by her words, "Oh yeah sure."

The ease they had felt earlier had officially left the building.

"And I'm sorry that I was distant. I figured I owed you some sort of explanation for my behavior."

He holds his hand up, "It's okay. I get it."

"I don't think you do," she corrects nervously.

"It's hard moving to a new place. I'm sure you were just under a lot of stress."

She looks at him for a moment and then replies with an unconvincing, "Yeah."

She sips on the steaming cup sitting in front of her, and he can't help but notice she still seems a little distracted.

"You okay?"

She looks up from her cup and gives him a weak smile. "I'll be okay."

Confused, he gives her a concerned look, as she goes back for another sip.

"It's just, I'm not used to being alone like this." She looks up from her cup, "Oh god, that sounded pathetic didn't it?"

"Not pathetic," he says, a little nervous as to where this is headed.

She continues undeterred, "I was married for so long, and before that, I had my father around. Now..." she trails off. "It's just living in his old house, he's everywhere. I just miss him you know?"

"Your ex?" he asks, uncomfortably.

"God no," she laughs. "My dad."

"He. . .?"

"Passed away earlier this year," she finishes, explaining. "Wow that got heavy quick. I'm sorry."

"It's really okay," he says sympathizing with her. "I'm sorry," he says sincerely. "About your dad," he clarifies.

She looks at him for a long second and then gives a half-hearted laugh. "I'm the one who should be apologizing. Coming here like this, laying all this on you."

"I get it."

"I thought I'd like living out in the middle of no where. Turns out, it's pretty lonely," she laughs again, and his heart aches for her.

"It'll get easier."

She smiles at him and they share a moment of understanding; him answering her unspoken question.

He startles her when he breaks their gaze suddenly, and embarrassed she goes back down to her coffee.

She's reaching in her purse when he says, "Stay as long as you'd like. I'm just going to finish closing up."

He goes to the door, flipping the sign to closed and gives her a tight-lipped smile before disappearing into the back.

He leans heavily against the oven, handing his head to his chest.

He takes a deep breath and returns to his duties. He stays in the back as long as possible, but eventually has to return to the front.

He's almost surprised she's still there, head down, looking into her cup. He tries to make plenty of noise, as to alert her of his presence, but she still doesn't look up. He begins to clean the coffee maker.

"So was the woman who came in yesterday your girlfriend?"

He can't help but be a little startled by her bluntness, as he stands, back to her, trying to keep hold of the mug in his hand.

---

When Lorelai walks in the door, she's still too stunned to form any coherent thoughts. She sits on the couch reaching for her phone, dialing the familiar number.

"_Mom?"_

"Hey honey."

"_What's wrong?"_

"Why do you assume something's wrong?"

"_Mom—"_

"We trust Luke right."

"_Of course__ It's Luke," _she says immediately. With a pause she adds, "_I mean unless you have a reason to not---" _

"No. Of course, it's Luke. We trust Luke."

"_Mom?"_

"It's Luke."

She sounds odd, Rory notices and immediately becomes concerned, _"Mom, what's going on?"_

"It's nothing."

"_Well it doesn't sound like nothing. What happened?"_

"I just-" she starts, trying to explain. "It's Luke. We trust Luke," she says firmly.

"_Okay, you've said that like a million times."_

"I trust him."

"_Good. Now what happened?"_

"Hon, I have to go."

"_Mom! You've answered like none of my questions."_

"Things have just been a little off lately. That's all hon. I promise."

"_You promise?"_ she asks unsurely.

"I think I'm going crazy," she laughs. "Don't worry. Nothing a little sleep won't fix."

Rory's silent for a minute and then she speaks worried, _"Mom. Talk to Luke. I don't know what's going on but talk to him. "_

She sighs, "I will."

"_Now."_

"Now's not a good time."

"_What? Why?"_

"He's in the diner with some hussy."

---

TBC


	4. Wanted

_AN: I sincerely appreciate your patience with this chapter_. _Had some small incidents that delayed me_. _I'm back with chapter 4 and chapter 5 following shortly_. _Thanks for your reviews and continued interest_.

--- 

_"So was the woman who came in yesterday your girlfriend?"_

Luke's caught off guard."What?" When he catches up, he turns towards her, "I mean, yeah. Girlfriend," he says, nodding a little too eagerly.

"She's very pretty."

He's very uncomfortable. He nods, unsure of what to say.

She notices his demeanor and frowns. "I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." He nods again, she continues, "It's a good thing."

He feels a little unsure of her intentions. "Yeah."

"How long have you guys been-?" she trails off.

"Almost two years," he says.

She laughs, dismal. "Pretty serious, eh?"

"Yeah," he says sensitively.

"That's good. Good," she says, looking into her coffee.

He nods along with her, following her down to her coffee with his concerned eyes.

"God, I'm so embarrassed," she says plainly.

"It's okay," he says, trying to assure her.

She looks up at him. "She's very lucky."

He looks back at her sympathetically, trying to read her eyes.

She straightens. "Well I should go."

He nods, still watching her. She reaches over and squeezes his hand, and he can't help but feel the unwanted electricity shoot up his spine. He jerks his hand away, and she laughs dejectedly. She shakes her head, and without another word, walks out of the diner.

--- 

Lorelai takes extra time getting ready for bed. She brushes her teeth and uses the face mask Rory had given her two Christmases ago. She's peeling off the last of it when the phone finally rings.

The evening had gone by painfully slow as she anticipated his call. She'd been going over in her head what to say to him since she hung up with Rory.

She wasn't jealous or mad, at least she told herself that. When Miss Patty had approached her yesterday, she couldn't help but laugh. Of course a woman was showing interest in Luke. He's an attractive, warm-hearted guy. And he's allowed friends. At least she assumes they've crossed from the customer/coffee guy status.

If there were any doubt left in her mind, the "Closed" sign cemented the fact. She knows Luke. He doesn't let customers hang out after hours. And he barely lets _her_ behind the counter. What bothers Lorelai the most is that Luke hadn't said anything about this new friend he had acquired. Maybe it was nothing. But when nothing is standing behind the counter, chatting up her fiancé, she wants to know about it.

So she waited not-so-patiently for his call, if for nothing else, to see if the new woman in town was mentioned.

When the phone finally sounds, she grabs it on the first ring.

"Hey handsome," she says after looking at the caller id, trying to sound casual.

_ "Hey," _ he says.

"So how was your night?" she asks.

He hesitates and see can almost hear his frown. _"Fine. Slow." _

"Anything interesting happen?" she asks, reaching.

He seems a little nervous as he responds,_ "The usual. Why?" _

She laughs tensely, let down. "Just had an uneventful day myself. Was hoping something exciting happened to one of us I guess."

She hates this game their playing. A tennis match, back and forth, each one waiting to see who gives in first.

She decides to dive in. "Just making sure I'm still your most valuable customer." She laughs for his benefit, but her face is anything but light.

The pause that follows shouldn't surprise her but it does. _"Lorelai-" _ he says, sounding so apologetic that she thinks this is it. She holds her breath and her hand grips the phone tightly. _ "Of course you are." _

His voice is soft and she wishes that he was with her so she could just be near him. See him, touch him. Feel close to him again.

"Okay. I've just been so busy lately-"

_ "You're mug is waiting for whenever you get time. I'm here." _

She hates how hard he makes it for her to be upset with him. She reminds herself of her original intentions and curses him for sounding so honest.

"So just a boring day huh?" She tries one last time.

He pauses, thinking, reaching for something to placate her. _ "Nothing here. Kirk came and went and, well, Miss Patty was being strange, but that's not totally out of the ordinary." _

She would have laughed if she didn't feel like there was a big joke that she wasn't being let in on going on around her. She sighs, dejected, "Oh."

_ "You okay?" _ he asks.

"I'm fine," she says, discouraged.

_ "You sure? You sound upset," _he says, sounding genuinely concerned.

She takes a deep breath, "I'm okay."

He continues as if he can sense the thin ice under him. _ "So the bread guy's coming tomorrow..." _ he trails off.

"So you're staying at the diner," she finishes for him.

_ "Sorry," _ he says inexplicably.

She sighs. "Well I'll see you tomorrow."

_ "Okay." _

"Bye," she says suddenly, and hangs up before he has a chance to say anything.

--- 

"Behind the counter?" Sookie asks, clarifying.

"Smiling and laughing."

Lorelai leans on the counter in the Dragonfly kitchen nursing a cup of coffee. Sookie stands with her back mostly to her, stirring a pot.

"I'm sure it was nothing. You're probably reading too much into it."

"I know Sook, but why isn't he telling me about her?"

"Maybe he's just scared you'd be jealous."

"What if all those times he's been spending the night in the diner he's actually been out boinking the bimbo?" she tries to joke, but Sookie senses the slight seriousness in her voice.

"If he was having an affair I doubt he'd be seen with her so publicly," Sookie says knowingly, stirring her soup.

Lorelai gives Sookie a hard look, bringing her out of her preparations and mindlessness, "Let's not use the 'a' word, okay?"

"Come on Lorelai. You know he's not doing that."

"I know," she says, trying to convince the stubborn part of her brain to listen.

"It's just why can't things ever be right in my life? I feel like the second something gets fixed, another thing breaks," she says, on the verge of tears.

"Maybe you should talk to him?" Sookie says sympathetically.

"It annoys me that I have to! I mean, why can't for once he just tell me what's going on in that head of his. Why is he keeping this from me?"

"He's probably just scared after going so hard on you about being friends with Christopher."

"Maybe." She pauses, "He's just acting so guilty around me. He's been letting me have as much coffee and junk food as I want without as much as a stern look." She sighs. "I just can't get over the nagging feeling that something else is going on."

"What about the sex?" Lorelai looks incredulously at her friend. Sookie shrugs innocently, "You can tell a lot by that."

Lorelai thinks for a second and then finally responds, "No major change. Less frequent I guess." At Sookie's look she continues quickly, "We've been busy."

"Uh-oh," Sookie says.

"Don't 'uh-oh'. No 'uh-oh'ing please! In the same category as the 'a' word!" she says in a panic.

"Well we are talking about Luke here. I don't think he'd ever cheat on anyone. Especially you."

Lorelai thinks this over, "Well I trust him. I just wish I knew why he was keeping her a secret."

Sookie tries to think of an alternative reason but comes up with nothing.

"Our anniversary is next week," Lorelai says sadly. "He hasn't even mentioned it."

"Ohh!" Sookie squeals, startling Lorelai, "Maybe this girl is a travel agent or something. Maybe he's planning something romantic to surprise you with!"

Lorelai seems to like that reasoning. "You think?"

"I think!"

Lorelai sits on this for a second. "Maybe," she says, still unconvinced.

"I think that's it. You want me to snoop?"

"No snooping please. Let's just let Luke tell me when he's ready to tell me."

"Isn't not knowing going to drive you crazy?"

"Probably," she says unapologetically, sighing into her hands.

--- 

Luke fiercely cleans the countertop, trying to take out his inner irritation on sticky coffee spills and a trail of grits left over from Kirk's breakfast The awkward 'girlfriend' conversation with Sarah plagues him, and he senses it affected her as well.

It has been exactly one week since her last visit to the diner – which is what he is thinking as the diner's door opens and she walks through sheepishly.

She nervously saddles up the counter and when he brings her a cup of coffee, she leans in. "Is it okay that I'm here?"

"Of course," he answers without hesitation.

"I mean we can be friends right?" she says.

He smiles. "I don't think that's breaking too many diner laws." He ignores the undercurrent of the question and the voice in his head telling him to tread carefully.

But she stays for the better part of an hour and they spend the time talking about light subjects like the squirrels invading her birdfeeders. He laughs when she tells him about the Yoga class she attempted to attend, only to leave five minutes after it began. They watch as a couple of tourists stand in front of the diner, looking questioningly at the 'William's Hardware' sign for close to ten minutes. They then stifle their laughter poorly when they finally enter, looking around in confusion and asking for nails.

When she finally leaves, he feels lighter. He feels like he is closer to normal than he's been in a few weeks. The visit proved that Sarah could be his friend – nothing more. It changes nothing with his relationship with Lorelai. Him being friends with Sarah doesn't change the fact that he's engaged to Lorelai. And Sarah knows that nothing can happen. She knows about Lorelai. A nagging voice in his head reminds him that Lorelai doesn't know about Sarah.

He's relived that his thoughts are interrupted when Lorelai calls to invite him to the Dragonfly for lunch. He readily complies, leaving Caesar to handle the diner. He jumps at the opportunity to prove to her, and himself, that things are well on their way back to normal.

Normal seems so long ago. The last week things had been forced between them. There had seemed to be a wall there when they would interact. She's acted as if there was something on her mind ; a doubt on the tip of her tongue. He's been too afraid to ask her about it, scared of the conversation sure to follow. And to make matters worse, he's been laced with guilt, as the presence of Sarah's absence had been weighing heavily on his conscious.

He's still not quite sure how to fix things with Lorelai, what to say, but he feels that today, with Sarah's very platonic visit, he's one step closer to sorting it all out.

--- 

When he enters the Dragonfly, he watches Lorelai talking to a guest and it strikes him just how much he's missed her.

He had slept over at her house twice during that week. Both times too cordial for his liking. With Rory's company, the sleeping arrangements didn't seem completely odd. But things weren't normal, and he sensed Lorelai felt that too. Presence in body, absence in mind.

She's looks up and smiles at him warmly. It's genuine, much different from the smiles they've shared all week. He returns the smile, and with that simple motion, an unspoken agreement is made, both just relieved that the tension has passed.

She welcomes him with a kiss and leads him into the dining room by his hand. It's funny, he thinks, but holding her hand is the closest he's felt to her all week.

She seems happy as she talks about Rory choosing classes for the new semester. Her eyes are so light at that moment, he can't help but feel a wave of guilt for only now realizing how long it's been they've been like this. She eats off of his plate, and he even reprimands her for getting the least healthy thing on the menu.

The meal is pleasant and the air between them feels light and clear. Everything seems to be going well until, when they are finished eating, Luke sees a brunette walk into the Dragonfly. He stops suddenly, a jolt of nervousness running through his body. He can't fathom why she would be here. As the woman turns, he realizes, with great relief that it is not Sarah, but a switch had been turned. He marvels at how quickly he feels awkward again. He curses fate for showing the glaring fault in his plan.

Lorelai doesn't seem to notice his glances behind her, but she does look at him questioningly as his smile fades back into his stoic expression. He smiles tightly to assure her, but it seems futile as they both seem to notice the shift. They revert back to their shelled selves, neither knowing what to say to each other. They stick to a casual "Thanks for lunch", and "See you later", and the smiles are once again strained.

The weight that had been lifted before, sets itself firmly back in place on his shoulders. Sighing deeply, Luke makes his way back to the diner, thoroughly discouraged.

--- 

Sarah returns to the diner the next day during the lunch rush. With the diner filled with the usual patrons, Luke can't help but feel self-conscious when Sarah waves him over. He tries to ignore Patty nosily leaning in closer to hear their conversation and Kirk's immediate disinterest in his food.

"You know stuff about tools right?" she asks.

"I can handle myself okay with a hammer, yes."

"Well say hypothetically," she says smiling, "that I wanted to hang something but couldn't find the hub."

"Hub?"

"The hard part of the wall..." she leads.

He smiles, "The stud?"

Her eyes light up, "Yes! That's it!" She grins at him. "For a second there I thought I knew more than you."

He chuckles at that. "So _hypothetically_?" He stresses the word skeptically.

"Yes, hypothetically."

He looks at her questioningly. "You need to hang a picture?"

"Not me," she declares quickly. "I'm in the midst of creating an independent woman persona." She lowers her voice conspiratorially; "They would totally kick me out of the club if they knew that I couldn't find a stub."

"Little tip," he says, holding in a laugh. "It's called a stud. I think vocabulary alone would be a dead give-away of your 'persona'."

She laughs. "Stud. Okay, okay. I should probably write that down."

He shakes his head as she grabs a pen. "Stud," she repeats as she writes it on her hand.

Luke notices Kirk watching her with interest and then, catching Luke's eye, immediately going back to his paper, where he seems to be drawing feverishly. Luke rolls his eyes as Sarah finishes writing and looks back up to him.

She smiles. "So hypothetically-" she directs him.

"Hypothetically," he plays along, "you would want a stud finder."

"Is that like a tool?"

"Are you hanging one thing or multiple?" he asks.

"Just this one for now."

"You can just tap on the wall and listen for the non-hollow part then. If that doesn't seem to be working, I'd invest in a stud finder."

The scribbles on Kirk's paper draw his attention and Sarah excuses herself to go to the bathroom. Luke inconspicuously walks from behind the counter, glancing a Kirk's sketch. He's almost surprised to see a police-like sketch of Sarah. Almost.

His booming voice startles Kirk. "How would Lulu feel about you drawing pictures of other women?"

Kirk nearly falls off of his stool in an effort to cover the picture. Miss Patty, at a nearby table, puts her head in her hands at Luke's discovery. She looks out the window innocently as Luke directs his attention to her.

"Okay, what's going on here?" he asks angrily.

"Kirk must have a thing for your friend dear," Miss Patty explains knowingly.

Kirk jerks his head towards Miss Patty. "I do no-"

He's silenced by her firm glare.

"Out!" Luke's voice breaks through the diner. "All of you! Picasso and you too Patty," he says pointing at them.

"We're just trying to look out for your best interests dear."

"My best interests are you leaving my diner right now."

"Now Luke, I was once a single woman too. I know a man-stealer when I see one."

"That's enough!" Luke roars.

"But-" Miss Patty starts.

"You guys are unbelievable. Boredom does amazing things to people."

Kirk pulls together his things speedily and makes for the door. Miss Patty follows.

"If I see that picture anywhere around town, I'm coming for you two," Luke warns.

As they exit, Luke turns to see a very uncomfortable Sarah standing nervously by the storage room.

"Yikes, you do have quite a bark," she says trying to lighten the mood.

Still fuming, he shakes his head and turns back towards the kitchen. The rest of the patrons slowly return to their meals, eying Luke wearily, and Sarah makes her way back to her stool.

"Maybe I should just-" she says to his back, pointing to the door.

Luke turns back to her. "I'm sorry. This town is a bunch of lunatics."

"He even had my bad side," she says awkwardly, once again trying fruitlessly to ease the tension.

"You want a sandwich or something?" he says nervously looking around, his mind racing with worry about just how widespread the operation had been. He looks out the window nervously; waiting to see Lorelai stomping towards the diner, sketch in hand.

Sarah looks uncomfortable as she leans towards him. In a low voice, "Maybe it would be best if I just left?"

"I'm sorry," he says simply, not knowing what else to say.

Sarah nods, understanding and goes to leave. She hesitates and nervously grabs a napkin. She scribbles something on it, handing it to him.

He reads it wearily, his eyes eventually looking back up and finding hers. "I don't think I should," he says apologetically.

She takes a deep breath, "Please? There's something I'd like to tell you."

He looks at her briefly, raising his hand to the back of his head in decision. He knows what he has to do. He nods slowly, eyes still closed. When he opens them, she's already heading for the door.

He knows he can't risk the crazy town getting the wrong impression, so maybe it's not a horrible idea to meet her outside of Star's Hollow. He knows at this point, he has to straighten everything out with Lorelai before she hears something fabricated from everyone else. He can't risk losing her.

Tonight will be the first step to stopping all the insanity that has broken out around him. He will tell her that maybe it would be best if her frequent trips to the diner stopped. There will be no easy way to do it, he figures, telling her that the one friend she has made can no longer be around her due to the crazy inhabitants of his town.

He bows his head solemnly as he admits to himself that maybe the town has nothing to do with it. Maybe they just woke him up. Maybe what he's really afraid of is his stupid, mixed up, out-of-control feelings. Which, as luck would have it, isn't all that hard to understand. But saying the words just makes it that much more real. He's scared of what he has to do, but is even more scared of what would happen if he didn't.

--- 

After he finishes mopping the floor and turning off all of the lights, he grabs his keys and goes out the back door instead of up the stairs.

He's been so invested in his own intentions, he has barely even thought of hers. It worries him that she wanted to meet him tonight and he wonders what she could have to tell him.

He turns the key with conviction that despite the feelings in his gut telling him otherwise, he's doing the right thing.

But he had lied. He had told Lorelai that he wasn't feeling well and was going to spend the night in his apartment. Not surprisingly, she hadn't seemed to mind much. An unfortunate status quo as of late. He wishes she would of insisted on his return home. But she hadn't.

And now he is in his truck, pulled by a force that is inexplicably strong, tense on the steering wheel and loathing himself.

--- 

He pulls up the small café, a parking lot filled with big rigs and smoking truckers.

The neon sign buzzes loudly as he exits the truck, noticing her sitting right inside by a window. She doesn't appear to detect him, as she sits seemingly enthralled in the menu in front of her. Her eyebrows are furrowed in thought, and when she catches the movement beside her, she jerks her head up surprised.

"You came."

"I came," he repeats, sitting down across from her.

"I'm sorry I asked you to meet me here. I just wanted to talk to you." She brushes her hair away from her face tensely. "This probably isn't diner talk." Nervously, she rambles on. "Well your diner talk. Cause we're in a diner now. Just not with-" she puts her hand to her head and grimaces as she realizes how she must sound. "You get what I'm saying."

He nods. "I get it," he says. "Look, I'm sorry about today."

She brushes him off, "I've been called much worse." She smiles tightly. "I hope you didn't go to too much trouble to meet me here."'

"I didn't. Don't worry about it. I wanted to talk to you too."

"Oh yeah?" she asks, awkwardly.

He takes a deep breath, "Yeah. It's just-" He stops and redirects, wanting to get it over with. "I don't think-" he says unsteadily. He hesitates for a second and she jumps in.

"My husband left me for another woman," she says.

He looks surprised, and almost guilty.

"I know. Out of the blue. I just had to say it out loud or I'd lose my nerve."

"I'm sor-" Luke begins.

She stops him, "It's okay. It's over and it sucked but now..." she trails off and changes course. "It's just, I never understood it," she pauses and looks at him, "Until now."

Luke looks like a deer caught in headlights.

"Relax, I'm not going to jump you or anything," she tries to smile.

He doesn't say anything, still shocked.

"He met her at his office. Of course, an office romance. So stereotypical right? Well they just spent a lot of time together there. And you know what he told me?"

Luke shakes his head, enthralled in the story. Feeling anxious.

"He said, 'I love you but I need to try this. I need to know for sure.'" She shakes her head at the memory. "I thought, 'that's not love'. How could he say he loved me and still not know if he's meant to be with me?" The pain is clear in her eyes, wounds still seemingly fresh. "And now," she raises her head looking at him in the eyes, "I think I at least understand what he was saying."

He takes a shaky breath. Nodding almost imperceptibly.

"Don't get me wrong, I still am angry. I still feel betrayed. I think that will take a long time to get over."

Luke lowers his head shamefully. "I won't do that to Lorelai," he says resolutely.

He wonders if she even heard him when she continues undeterred. "I knew at that moment, feeling so betrayed and lost, that I never wanted to be that woman."

"I never want to be that man," Luke says, seemingly lost in his own thoughts.

"Sometimes there's no control. Sometimes it is something bigger. I mean am I crazy here? This, me, you," she motions with her hands. "Something's there right? I mean we hardly know each other, but," she sighs, "It's something."

It's the first time he's even come close to admitting it out loud. He sighs defeated. "You're not crazy."

She begins to respond but he interrupts suddenly. "We can't do this."

She nods. "I get that. I figured as much. I would never want to do that to someone else." She tries to smile.

He thinks he should feel relived. He thinks he should feel the weight of guilt lifting from his shoulders. He feels nothing. Numb. With her confession and his own past, he feels nothing but immobile. Immobile and anxious.

"It's just, how do you know? How do you ever know if you're with who you're supposed to be with? "

"I don't know," he says looking at her.

"You really love her don't you?"

"I do," he says almost immediately. Almost apologizing.

"Well, then that's settled," she says firmly and he nods, still looking at her trying to feel something other than the heaviness in his body. "It just sucks that we'll never even get a shot," she continues. "I just thought if I got it out in the open it might explain some things. Ease some tension. Banish the elephant."

He nods and she smiles. After a moment, she opens a menu. "Well I'm starved," she says, seemingly moving on.

Luke looks at her, watching intently as she speaks. He thinks she's contemplating what she wants to eat, as she points to the menu. He watches her mouth moving and sees the unease slowly leaving her face. He tries to concentrate on her words but can't seem to hear anything she's saying. His mind is whirling. It has struck him suddenly, this feeling of "What if", and "Never knowing", and general unease.

He can't reconcile the feelings inside of him. Rational thought is no longer rational. Up feels down. His brain is swimming in her words. She's still talking, he can tell because he can see her mouth moving; she looks pained, or freed, or full of passion. Interest. Freedom. Sincerity. And he wants to offer her something, if only he could talk.

It's the resolute way she moves her hands, looking at him when she's making a point or giving an explanation. That there's been this big conclusion to a story that's driven her mad with anxiety and wonder, and now she's free. He stares at her lips trying to decipher the language she's speaking. And he is sitting there and he doesn't know why, but suddenly they still, and she's looking intently at him, startled.

It's only then that he realizes he's leaning towards her.

--- 

TBC


	5. In the Worst Way

_AN: Whew. (Also, thanks for your reviews!)_

---

Lorelai sits at her desk, rummaging through paperwork when she hears a knock at the door. Sookie pokes her head in.

"You feeling any better?"

Lorelai sighs, putting the paperwork down. "Not really. My stomach just won't stop turning and my head is pounding."

"You sure you don't want some coffee? Maybe it's your body's way of alerting you of your addiction that you have yet to fulfill this morning."

She shakes her head. "I'm a little scared to try. I just feel so queasy, I don't think I'd keep anything down." She sighs. "I just feel like there's something wrong."

"Have you talked to Rory?"

"Yeah. She's fine. Getting ready for classes. Reading a dozen and a half books to 'catch up'."

Sookie eyes her wearily and asks gently, "Luke?"

Lorelai shakes her head and then rests it on the desk, her voice muffled by her position. "No."

"Didn't you say he wasn't feeling well last night? Maybe you got what he had."

"That takes contact, Sookie. He's been Mr. Avoidance lately," she says miserably.

"It's not been that bad, has it?"

Lorelai groans. "It feels like I haven't seen him in a month."

Sookie frowns. "Maybe you should take the rest of the day off. We're caught up here."

"I wanted to try and take tomorrow off for our anniversary. Which is stupid I'm now realizing, as my finance doesn't even seem to remember I exist."

Sookie shakes her head. "Okay. Time to snap out of this self-pity thing you have going on."

Lorelai raises her head defensively. "I don't have a self-pity thing going on."

"Oh yeah. You're oozing self-pity and it's time for it to stop."

"I-"

Sookie interrupts her. "You need to talk to Luke. Whatever is going on with the two of you needs to be talked about. You're getting married. You need to communicate."

Lorelai thinks for a second, unable to come up with a rebuttal, knowing Sookie's right. Her face softens again. "I know. I'm just-" She stops herself short. "I don't know," she cries, frustrated.

Sookie turns sympathetic and goes over to where she's sitting. "I know honey. But nothing is going to get better if you don't talk to him. I hate seeing you like this. You're miserable."

Lorelai looks at her friend and sighs. "I'll talk to him."

"Don't do it for me. Do it for you."

"I know, I know. It's just-"

Sookie interrupts again. "Today. Call him right now and ask him to go to an early dinner or something."

"I'm going to Yale tonight for a parents dinner thing."

"Oh! Wasn't he going to go to that?"

"Yeah, but that was weeks ago. Who knows now."

"He'll go."

"He'll just make up an excuse why he can't."

"Don't give him an option. Use Rory as an excuse. He can't say no to Rory."

Lorelai looks sad at that. "I'll try."

"He'll go," Sookie repeats softer, assuring.

Lorelai looks at her friend. "Okay."

"Okay?"

"Okay."

Sookie pats her hand and turns to leave. She turns back at the door. "And Lorelai?"

She looks up from the phone she's started a staring contest with.

"Everything will be okay."

Lorelai nods and Sookie leaves.

She picks up the phone and nervously dials the familiar numbers. It seems to ring forever, her nervousness growing at each tone.

_"Luke's,"_a familiar voice says.

"It's me."

_"Oh, hey."_

"So Rory's dinner at Yale is tonight."

_"Right,"_ he says, remembering. _ "Right."_

"You still coming?"

He pauses and she starts to think of reasons to combat his possible excuses.

He cuts off her thought process. i "Yeah."/i

"Yeah?"

_"Yeah."_

"I'm at the inn. We should probably leave at five."

_"I'll pick you up then."_

"At the inn?"

_"If that's okay?"_

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be here."

_"Okay."_

"Okay."

She hangs up, breathing a sigh of relief.

"Well that was easy," she says to the empty office.

---

At five o'clock on the dot, can hear him pulling up on the gravel and stands from her position on the stairs. She straightens her dress nervously as the truck comes into view. She's happy to see he's put on a nice collared shirt and not worn his usual baseball hat.

He smiles at her as she climbs in the truck.

"You look nice," she says cordially.

"You too," he returns, and pulls off towards the highway.

The ride there is quiet and Luke doesn't complain when Lorelai fiddles with the radio the whole time. He seems withdrawn, like his mind is miles away.

She speaks up and pulls him from his spell. "So are you feeling any better today?"

"Huh?" he asks, and she frowns. He notices and continues on quickly, "Oh yeah. Last night. Must have been a twenty-four hour thing."

She smiles tightly at him. "Good. Good," she repeats more to herself.

He looks at her and forces a smile. She watches him as he turns back to the road. Once she's out of his line of vision, she frowns.

He seems different. His front of ease is betrayed by his hands tight on the steering wheel and the way he is nervously shaking his leg. For Rory's sake, she pushes down her questions and own anger and tries her best to relax against the door, watching as the scenery passes in blur.

---

When they pull up, Rory is waiting outside by the parking lot. She greets them both with a hug and, to Lorelai's relief, if she notices any tension between them, she doesn't mention it.

Dinner seems to fly by, and with each tick on her watch, Lorelai grows more and more nervous. She looks over to Luke who is engaged in a conversation with another Yale parent. She contemplates saving him, but thinks better of it when she realizes saving him means pulling him aside from the rest of the crowd.

Rory comes up behind her, startling her. "Hey," she says gently, following her mother's eyes.

"Hey!" Lorelai says, a little too brightly.

"What's going on with you two?"

"Huh?"

"You and Luke. Something's different. You've hardly spoken all evening."

Lorelai sighs. "It's nothing."

"Nothing?"

"Well not nothing. Something."

"Something?"

"Something," she says again, resolutely.

"Everything okay?" Rory implores gently.

"Right now, yes and no. Ask me again tomorrow," she says dismally.

"Uh-oh."

"Yeah," she sighs again. "There's going to be a talk."

"About something."

Lorelai nods, close to tears.

Rory notices and gently grabs her mother's arm. "Come on," she says pulling her away from the crowd.

She follows willingly.

They enter the hallway and Rory spins around towards her mom. "What happened?"

Lorelai breathes deeply and answers honestly. "I don't know exactly."

"Something's off?"

"Something's off."

"You think it's-"

Lorelai cuts her off sharply, "No." Rory looks a little stunned and Lorelai continues gently, "I mean, I don't know. I really don't want to start thinking of possibilities and get myself worked up over nothing."

"You'll call me tonight?"

Lorelai nods. "I'll call you tonight."

"I can come back home if you need me to."

"I think this needs to be a non-buffer conversation."

"I mean afterwards."

Lorelai takes a deep breath. "Let's hope that's not necessary."

---

The end of the evening comes quicker than Lorelai would have liked. Rory walks them to their car and politely says goodnight to Luke, who seems as nervous as Lorelai. Once he's out of earshot, Rory gives her mother a hug.

"It'll be okay," she assures her mother.

Lorelai holds on a little longer, not responding right away. Rory looks on a little worried but then Lorelai pulls back strongly, taking a deep breath and composing herself.

"This love stuff kinda sucks," she says, trying to joke.

Rory shakes her head sympathetically. "You okay?"

Lorelai nods weakly. "I really don't want to get in that truck."

"I can take you home," Rory says gently.

Lorelai tries a laugh. "Unfortunately, I think this is one of those moments where you have to stand strong and accept your fate."

Rory nods.

"I love you kid."

Rory hugs her mother again. "Love you too."

When they break the embrace, Rory stands back, watching as her mother slowly opens the door and glances at Luke, nervously smiling at him. They exchange a few words that Rory can't hear. She frowns as the pull off, waving weakly.

Back in the car, driving along in silence, a newfound annoyance creeps up at the words neither of them seemed to be able to speak. The tension engulfing them makes Lorelai's stomach once again start churning in the most uncomfortable way.

Finally having enough, she turns her head towards him, eying him wearily. Turning her head back, she puts on a happy face, and then moves again suddenly, startling him.

"What are you doing tomorrow?"

"Tomorrow?" he stammers.

"Yeah tomorrow"

He avoids looking at her. "Umm, I don't know. Why?"

His demeanor tugs at her heart, but she says nothing, keeping up the false enthusiasm.

"We have a staff meeting tomorrow afternoon, and after that, things have been slow enough lately that I can take the afternoon off. What'd you say we spend the afternoon together?" It's a test she realizes, when the words leave her mouth. She studies his face.

"Oh, I don't think I can." He fails and she can feel her face falling; her heart following.

"We've hardly seen each other lately," she says softly.

An all-to familiar feeling of guilt starts creeping up as he mutters, "I know, I'm sorry."

"Diner going to be busy?" she asks hurt.

"Yeah," he says nervously. "I just can't leave Caesar alone during the lunch rush."

It hits her suddenly, and she finds the tears falling before she can stop them. The tears are silent and she thinks she can hide them before he notices, but it's too late when they stop at a stoplight and he turns to look at her, mid-swipe.

"Sorry," she apologizes inexplicably.

"What's wrong?" he asks startled.

"I don't know. What is wrong?" She doesn't want to get into it now, but it's too late. The suspicions that she has pushed down start coming up like an acid, burning her throat as she starts talking.

"Wha-" he trails off unsure.

"We never see each other anymore!" she cries. "Have you even noticed? It's like you don't even want to spend time with me. You're always at the diner or running errands." She's angry but she stops herself short of spouting the accusations that can so easily roll off of her tongue.

He's staring at her, guilt on his face, and as the light turns green he slowly turns away and continues driving, not saying a word. At his silence, the tears start falling quicker and she can't wait to get out of the car. She studies his face, wrought with something she doesn't recognize. He's thinking, she knows. He's upset, she senses. He seems as tired as she. And for that, in that moment, she despises him the way she does her mother from time to time: With a love that is buried beneath emotions that stick sharply behind her eyes. It's that he can't even offer her anything. That he has the tenacity to be mad at her. And that's when she knows:

It's over.

Her mind speaking those words make her tears fall faster. She tries fruitlessly to wipe them away, but to no avail.

What hurts her the most is the lack of denial, the lack of truth, the lack of explanation. The lack of comfort. Of reassurance.

In her gut she knows when they get to her house, their relationship is surely over, and she doesn't even really understand why. She hates that he has somehow, without a single word, made her feel like it's her fault.

He's always has been a man of action, she thinks scornfully.

She feels betrayed. She feels stunted, like someone has knocked her feet out from under her. His silence is almost all the confirmation she needs. Almost. A tiny part of her still hopes that she's overreacting. That when they get home there will be candles and music and an anniversary present on the table.

She knows it's silly. Almost implausible. But she can't help but hope that he hasn't forgotten. After these past few weeks of lying and avoidance and distance, that she's being paranoid. That eventually they'll be able to chalk this up as a giant misunderstanding. That he'll have all the answers she wants to hear when they get home. That she'll never have to know what it feels like to be betrayed in the worst way conceivable. It's still silent when they pull into the driveway, and he takes a deep breath, leaning his head on the steering wheel. The ride seemingly as long for him as it was for her. She watches for a moment and then moves out of the car and across the lawn, into her house. She doesn't turn back to look at him.

There's a relief when she enters the house. An air of silence and she gulps the air, not yet sticky with tension. She's not sure where to go when she shuts the door behind her. She knows he will eventually follow her, eventually they will have to talk, and, eventually, she'll know the truth. She feels useless sitting on the couch, anxious and angry. She starts towards the stairs when she hears the truck door slam and she stands awkwardly still by the bottom of the stairs.

The front door slowly opens and Luke knocks quietly as he pushes it in. He sees her and watches her standing there nervously, tear tracks covering her face. He tries to remember her smile, but the image is clouded in his head; instead filled with weeks of her disappointed looks.

He's screwed up so badly, he realizes. He walks slowly to the couch, her following him with her eyes, and he sits down putting his head in his hands. He growls frustrated, breaking the silence and she sniffles, startled.

"I'm sorry," he starts.

Her anger flares and her heart breaks. She slowly makes her way towards him, staying far enough out of his reach. She sits on the chair beside the couch, nervous, dreading the reason for his apologies. Her instincts tell her to run, to save herself and her pride, but her weary feet don't move.

When he lifts his head, she sees he's developed tears matching hers on his cheek. Her heart falls a little farther. She stays silent, waiting for him to say something. Not wanting him to say anything.

He stands on shaky legs. He moves slowly to the table in front of her and sits down, facing her. She watches him in fear. In her gut, she knows. She knows what he is about to say. And she's not ready, she thinks. Not ready to hear the heartbreaking words her mind hasn't allowed her to speak.

He opens his mouth, and closes it again looking at her. He wipes his face, and as much as she wants to yell at him, she can't speak, watching in wonder as his smeared tears glisten on his cheek. Fear fills her, and an unexplainable sympathy threatens her mind.

He grabs her hands, holding her in place, and looks up at her through cloudy eyes. She's amazed at how even though hardly any words have been spoken, they both know so soundly. How they both are trying to extend this moment before intense pain.

"I need you to know something," he starts, his voice wavering. She still can't find a voice, but he makes it easy for her and continues a little stronger. "I love you." He pauses, squeezing her hand. "I love you so much."

She tries not to scoff, feeling like he's doing this so stereotypically. She can't comprehend the words, only the actions and the predictable apologies. She feels surreal. She wants this moment to end. She wants it to go on forever.

"What are you sorry for Luke?" she says firmly, her mind still wondering how her mouth formed words. "The weeks of you avoiding me? Making excuses? Making me feel like I don't matter at all? Forgetting our anniversary?" At this she sees the realization cross his face and a sharp wave of guilt overtake his expression. She pauses, watching his face contort, as he bows his head shamefully. She adds, seconds from accusation, "Or something else Luke?"

She watches him, his head slowly nodding, motions admitting his guilt before he's able to speak the words. She thinks that it must be bad, as he's not able to look at her as he breaks her heart.

He takes a deep breath, holding tighter to her hands, as if he's scared she's going to run. "All that," he says simply. "God. All that," he repeats painfully. "I've never done this before," she hears him say. "Been this person."

"Say it Luke," she angry and sad and nervous and can't stand the waiting. She wants him to rip the band-aid off. And as if he knows what the waiting is doing to her, he starts speaking almost immediately.

"There was this woman..." he says guilty, voice filled with sorrow.

Her heart tumbles as her worst fears are confirmed. It's much worse than she thought it would be, actually hearing the words. She feels like she's swallowed glass that sits uncomfortably in her throat, stabbing her and slowly pushing all the air out of her lungs. Immediately, the anger she's been forcing down comes to the surface, "Did you sleep with her?" she asks fearfully and forcibly.

His head jerks up, "What? No! No! God no! No!"

"Okay I get it! What am I supposed to think?!" She's angry, but there's still relief there. Even if it's short-lived.

He looks at her hard. "I wouldn't do that."

"Well then what about this other woman,' she trails off as a realization quickly sweeps over her and she manages to pull one of her hands away from him and up to her mouth. "Oh," she says surprised. "Oh," she says again more resigned and angry. "I see."

He's confused and annoyed. This isn't how this was supposed to go.

"I don't think you do see," he says annoyed that she hasn't even let him explain.

She doesn't like his tone and points her finger at him angrily. "You have no right to be mad! None!" She tries pulling her other hand away but he holds it tight.

"You're right," he says softer, "I don't. But I am. I'm furious." She looks on confused, trying to keep her temper in check. He notices her look and continues. "I'm just so mad at myself for letting this happen. I just don't understand it."

"Are you breaking up with me? Cause if you are, please just say it," she begs.

Stunned again, he says sternly, "No." He takes a deep breath. "No. God, no," he repeats, mainly to himself. "I just thought it would go away," he tries to explain.

"What, Luke?"

She can tell he's on the verge of seriously breaking down and she can't help but feel sympathy for him. She's torn between wanting to cause him bodily harm and comforting him.

"She came into the diner one day a few weeks ago. She was nice and new to town and, I don't know, we just got along, you know?" She figures he doesn't expect an answer cause he keeps going. "And we just started hanging out." At this point he looks up, she can see he's crying, and she feels herself crying again too. "I wanted to tell you, but I just couldn't. I wanted to tell you so badly, but by the time I was going to, it was too late."

"Too late?" she asks fearfully, scared at what this meant.

"There were feelings there. Feelings I'm not supposed to have about anyone other than my fiance."

It pains her to hear what she's suspected all along.

"Feelings," she repeats numbly. Never in her relationship with Luke has she heard him utter those words. "Are there still..." she trails off, hoping she doesn't have to finish that sentence.

"No," he says firmly and she's still unconvinced.

She feels herself becoming angry again, "So you're telling me you had 'feelings' for this woman last week, and now, there are none. That's bullshit."

He squeezes her hand tight. "Last night-"

"When you weren't feeling well?" she asks sarcastically.

He drops his head. "I just didn't know what to do Lorelai." She can think of a million responses, but holds her tongue. He takes a deep breath, "Last night, she asked me to meet her at a coffee shop."

"Oh, I'll kill that little hussy,"

"Lorelai," he says, and she doesn't like his tone. His face contorts and his voice is pained. "We kissed."

She leans back, looking at him wide-eyed. "I'm sorry. What?" she asks incredulously.

"Please don't make me say it again."

"Oh. Oh man," she fumes. "Oh my god. Seriously? Seriously Luke?" She watches him as he seemingly shrinks into the floor.

"It was horrible. Knowing what I was doing, it was horrible and it wasn't me. I wasn't myself. I felt like I was being punched."

"I know the feeling," she says darkly.

"I just had to know," he says shamefully. "I had to know." He sounds miserable.

"Well I'm glad you figured things out," she says angrily, trying to stand. He holds her there.

"Where are you going?" he asks desperately.

"I don't want to be here anymore." She struggles to get out of his grasp, but he holds tight.

"Please don't just walk out. Please," he begs and his tears are really flowing now. She wonders if anyone has ever seen this man cry as hard as he is at this moment. He's shaking and his sweaty palms are losing grip on her hands. They fumble for traction, as he nears panic at her motions. "Can we talk about this or something? God, I don't know what to do. I didn't know what to do. I had to tell you. I need you." He's nearing a rant, holding her tighter.

She looks at him, watching him break down in front of her. She finally catches his eye and says solemnly, "You're hurting me Luke."

He recoils from holding her hand immediately. "I'm sorry." He pauses, collecting himself. "God I'm sorry." She's free to go now but she stays for a minute more. He stares at her, pain stricken and exhausted. "I just can't lose you," he says, cloaked in vulnerability. She thinks she can see the blood pumping through every vein in his body. She can see his chest rising and falling, lungs desperately seeking air. She sees him as a young boy, standing by his mother's bedside. Waking up from a nightmare.

She wants to respond so very badly, but can't seem to force anything coherent out. Instead, she stands, shaking her head in disbelief and hurt, and goes up the stairs, leaving him alone. 

He watches her go and violently sits on the couch, throwing his head in his hands. 


	6. In the Worst Way, Part II

_I'm so terribly sorry for the long wait. Along with a busy, busy past couple of months, I just haven't been able to get happy with this chapter. I finally got it here, a place where I'm satisfied. Please excuse how long it took, but I'd definitely suggest reading chapter five again before reading this. They really should have been one chapter but the length seemed a little too long, and I was in a hurry to post that last one. As for the next chapter, unfortunately, it may take a little while with the holidays so close. I'll do my best._

_And also, now that more people seem to be enjoying this, I feel it is safe to drag out the person who has been my guiding light through all this. We've had numerous over-an-hour long phone conversations about this thing, and credit where credit is due, I probably wouldn't have posted anything past chapter one if it wasn't for her holding my hand. So thanks CDBL for all your help! You've been an unbelievable help!_

_Back to the story._

He hears her quietly walking down the stairs the next morning. He lies on the couch, miserably idle. Waiting for a good moment to say anything; to move from his position. He hears her entering the kitchen and turning on the coffee maker. He curses himself for not thinking of making coffee for her.

He moves from the couch, slowly approaching the kitchen door. He stands watching her silently, her back against the counter, her head bowed to her chest.

He feels like he is encroaching and gently clears his throat, bringing attention to himself. He stands guiltily and doesn't know what to do with his hands, grabbing gently to his flannel shirttails.

"You scared me," she says coldly, turning back towards the coffee maker.

"I'm sorry."

She huffs, "If I hear that one more time I'm going to go insane." She turns quickly and busies herself in front of the sink, dishes clinking, and he hears her sniffle. She tries to cover it up by clearing her throat, but it's unconvincing and he brings his hands up to his face, sighing.

He's at a loss for words as he watches her. He wants to approach her, hug her, tell her that everything is going to be okay. But the ball's in her court, and he's appreciative for small miracles, (like that she hasn't told him to leave yet).

"So happy anniversary," she says sarcastically.

He knows what she's doing. The lash hits its intended target as the knife in his gut turns. He feels nauseous. "Lorel-"

"Luke don't," she cuts him off, immediately dropping all sarcasm.

He knows she's hurting and he just wants to comfort her, as she stands, her back remaining to him. "I just-" he starts weakly.

She finally turns, still not quite meeting his eyes. She looks honestly apologetic. "Forget it. It was stupid to it bring up."

"No, I-" he starts. She turns back to the sink and his shoulders sag, defeated. "What are the rules?"

She doesn't skip a beat in her busywork and asks, still facing away from him, "What do you mean?"

He approaches her slowly but loud enough so she can hear him. "Can I touch you?"

She almost laughs, but it comes out as a bitter scoff.

"I'm sorry," he stops his movements towards her. "I just want to do something. I just don't know what to do. I did this to you."

"Yes you did."

"I want to fix it," he says desperately.

She almost feels sorry for him, and stops her motions, trying to compose herself enough to be able to tell him that she doesn't think she's ready to talk to him again yet.

He takes her silence as an invitation and goes to her side, gently turning her towards him. She doesn't fight it, but as soon as he wraps his arms around her, she buries her face in his shirt, hiding the tears that have unwillingly begun to fall.

He strokes her back and rests his head on top of hers, silently offering as much comfort as possible.

She's stiff and awkward in his arms, her arms dangling by her side, and his motions to comfort her seem futile.

He's about to move away when he hears a muffled voice from his chest.

"I just don't think I'm ready to lose you yet."

His heart stops beating, squeezing her tighter. He chokes out, "You're not." He sounds more hopeful than convincing.

"I just think I need some time."

"Time?" he asks, fear and sorrow etched in his face. He doesn't let her go, but stills his movements.

She sniffles again, and he can feel her preparing for her next words. "You need to know for sure."

As her voice cracks, he looks down at her, confidence trying to overshadow the desperation. "I do know for sure. I do. I know. I love _you_. You."

"You say that now, because I'm here. Maybe," she stops and attempts to compose herself. "Maybe you'd feel differently if I wasn't in the picture."

"No," he says firmly, trying to coax her to look at him.

She keeps speaking undeterred. "Maybe you should-"

He interrupts her desperately. "No," he says again, filled with terror. "Please Lorelai. No." He tries to coax her gently away from him to look at her face. So she can see his.

But she still refuses to move from his chest. Her muffled voice begins again, "We just need-"

They are interrupted by the front door slamming open and an out-of-breath Rory running into the house.

"Mom?!" she yells frantically, heading for the stairs, stopping short when she sees them in the kitchen. Lorelai sighs deeply against Luke's shirt, but doesn't move.

"Oh," Rory says plainly, giving Luke a look that penetrates his heart. The disappointment is clear on her face, and he shamefully can't meet her eyes.

"Rory-" he starts gently, trying to move away but Lorelai grabs his shirt below her face, pulling him tightly to her. Confusion stops his words, but he helplessly offers Lorelai whatever he can, even if it's just his shirt.

"Just wait in your room Hon," she says bravely, still muffled.

"Are you okay Mom?" she asks, scared by her mother's unwillingness to meet her eyes.

She nods into his shirt once more, and Rory eyes Luke wearily, "Are you sure?"

Luke looks towards Rory helplessly, unsure of what to do.

"Can you just go," Lorelai says impatiently and a little harsher than she intended.

Rory looks burned. "Sure. Yeah. I'll just wait outside."

She gives one last helpless look to her mom, and turns to go outside.

Luke sighs deeply and begins rubbing her back again. As the door closes, Lorelai groans tearing away from him and wiping her face fiercely, "Oh god, I can't believe I just snapped at her."

"It's okay. She'll understand," Luke says soothingly.

His heart breaks as he takes in her appearance. She looks completely broken. She tries to clear the tears, but her eyes are telling. Her shoulders sag and her mouth is drawn into a frown that somehow portrays more than just sadness.

"I need to shower," she says, not meeting his worried face.

"Lorelai-"

She sighs. "You should go Luke."

"Go?" he says fearfully, even though he was expecting as much.

She braves a glance to his face, shooing away the sympathy that wells up within her on seeing his unshed tears. "I need time," she says simply. "You need time."

"I don't need time!" he roars, with an unexpected anger. She startles and he continues a little softer. "I don't need time. I know. I _know _that you're it for me," he begs.

"You obviously don't!" she returns raising her voice impatiently. He's startled and she moves away from him. "God! Don't you get it Luke? If you did know, we wouldn't be in this situation in the first place! I'm trying to do the right thing here!"

"We're right!" he exclaims desperately. "Me and you. Look at me."

She doesn't look up. "I know you want to believe that. I know you do."

"Damn-it Lorelai!"

This causes her to look up startled. "Don't yell at me." He looks guilty and she continues. "Do you really think I can just forgive you and act like none of this happened?

He hangs his head, unsure how to answer.

She's quiet then, and her silence unnerves him more than angry words might. He raises his eyes fearfully, not sure he can take seeing her face so full of disappointment again.

She continues eerily calm. "There's a reason this happened Luke. And even if we could, we shouldn't ignore it. And maybe you think you're so sure of us, but I'm standing here in front of you, and I see a man who hates change. Who lives by appointments and expectations. I see a man acting on his fear. Terrified of making this giant change and letting people down."

"No. That's not true," he says sternly, barely letting her words hit their mark.

Lorelai sniffles again, continuing more directly. "You're afraid of letting me down."

"Too late for that," he says miserably.

She leans on the counter gingerly. The recognition brings tears to her eyes and makes her knees weak. _Let down. _ Somehow that makes this all the more real. She lifts her eyes to his face. He's watching her hands as they shakily grasp for the counter beside her. He moves his view to her face, staring hopelessly at her, heartbroken and powerless.

"I'm scared, Luke." Her words quietly falling onto his ears. "I'm terrified you're going to try and fix this regardless of how you feel. Because I know you. You don't let people down. You always try to do the right thing. That's why I love you." She breathes in a shaky breath, continuing. "That's why you need to leave now."

He fixes his eyes on her as the words hit his stomach with the force of a semi-truck speeding down the highway. He loses his breath, and he realizes how far she's fallen. How far he's thrown her.

"You think-" he barely gets out, as he gapes at her.

"I don't know what to think Luke. I just don't know. It's all too fresh. Too new. We need-"

"Time," he finishes for her, dejected.

He stays silent, letting her words sink in.

"You know that I love you, right?"

She hesitates and then looks into his eyes. She nods weakly, moves that are barely perceptible.

He sighs, sensing her apprehension and they stand wordless, watching each other.

He slowly moves over to her and takes her hand between the two of his. "What can I do?" he asks, his eyes burning hers.

"I don't know," she whispers, tearfully. "I think for now I just need to be alone."

"Alone," he repeats dumbly.

She simply nods. He closes his eyes for a second, taking a deep breath.

"Rory," she says, as if explaining.

He slowly lowers his eyes down to where his hands grasp hers. "I don't want to leave," he says softly, tears threatening his voice. He gently runs his hands down hers and explores skin he knows so well. He knows that she's crying, but when a tear lands on his hand, he snaps out of his reverie.

"I'm so stupid." His voice is filled with tears. "I'm sorry," he says simply, pain and guilt coursing through his body watching her so distraught. "I never meant for this to happen."

She can't bring herself to speak and he slowly backs away, his eyes still trained on her, nodding sadly before turning around and leaving. He hears her slowly moving behind him, and as he opens the door, he can hear her slowly climbing the stairs. He can't bear to turn around. And as he walks out of the front door, he's met with an icy glare from Rory. A girl he can't recognize at this moment, and it shames him further to see the hurt in her eyes.

"I can't believe-" she starts in on him, and stops suddenly, watching his face. Watching in wonder as Luke, the man she had always seen as such a great force, an impenetrable heart, brushes the tears off of his face.

They stand in silence, and he waits a second time for the barrage of harsh words that he knows he deserves. Again, they don't come.

"Your mom's in the shower," he says simply and, "I'm sorry," is all he can make out before he leaves as suddenly as he appeared.

Rory watches in wonder as he disappears, and turns bravely to the door, afraid of what she is going to see when she steps inside.

The house seems eerily quiet, with the faint sounds of a shower running upstairs, when Rory enters. She's torn between sitting outside of the bathroom door in hopes to offer comfort at the first sight of her mother, and waiting patiently, helplessly, downstairs for her to come down when she's ready.

Not wanting to risk upsetting her further, she waits downstairs, flipping on the television, anxiously waiting.

Finally, she hears the shower turn off and she trains her eyes on the stairs.

It's thirty minutes later that Rory gives up and starts to head up the stairs. Her mother's door is closed, so she knocks lightly, announcing her presence.

"It's me."

"Come in," she hears, and she steps into the room.

Her mother is sitting on the edge of the bed, still wrapped in a towel.

"You didn't call," Rory explains gently.

"I'm sorry," Lorelai says, sniffling. "I didn't mean to worry you."

"Are you okay?" Rory asks, moving closer to the bed.

"My gut was right."

Rory nods. "I'm sorry," she says sincerely.

"I just don't know what to do now."

Rory stops the myriad of questions that come bubbling to the surface. She sits beside her mother and wraps an arm around her back, hugging her tightly.

"How much did you hear/"

"Enough," Rory answers honestly and simply.

"I'm sorry for snapping at you."

"Seriously? Last thing on my mind right now."

"The first?"

Rory lies, "Making you some coffee and heading to Doose's for some major junk food."

Lorelai forces a smile. "Sounds good."

Rory doesn't move from her position, watching her mom. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She sighs and looks down at her engagement ring. "Not just yet."

Rory nods. "Whenever you're ready, I'm here."

She turns her attention to her daughter and smiles weakly. "I'm glad you came home."

Rory knows she's not just talking about tonight. The vulnerability in her mother's voice startles her. She just pulls her mom closer and forces her own tears down, nodding gently against her head. "Me too."

TBC


	7. Solidarity

I certainly appreciate the ongoing support from you guys! I've been trying to get these chapters out as quickly as possible, but things have been moving more slowly than I would have liked. While I have had the entirety of this story written for a few months now, I keep going through and changing things, which inevitably causes other things to change. Long story short - I'm getting there. Thanks again for the support! We're almost there!

---

Although they are alone, she leans in on the bed and whispers. The material so sensitive, she's taking no chances.

"He told her that he kissed her. "

Lane leans back, eyes in awe, mouth agape. "What?"

Rory quickly goes on. "She says he was confused and I saw him, Lane. He was a mess."

"What?" Lane repeats, still in shock.

"I know."

"Luke? Luke did," she stutters, searching for the words. "That," she says the word with disgust.

Rory nods.

Lane lets it sink in. In awe, she finally speaks. "I just don't believe it. I literally don't believe it."

"It's unfortunately true. Very true."

Lane shakes her head, still in disbelief. "Lorelai must be a mess."

Rory frowns. "She's acting strangely. I don't know if she knows what to think. She's not talking about it, and I can tell she doesn't want to. She hasn't uttered his name since our initial conversation."

"Has she talked to him at all?"

"Not that I know of." Rory frowns, "How has he been at the diner?"

"Stays in the back. I knew something was up, but he's just been so morose. Less angry than the last breakup."

Rory suddenly realizes something. "Oh god. I've pitted you against your boss. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have told you."

Lane frowns. "I didn't even think of that. I can't go to work now!"

Rory puts her face in her hands and moans. "What was he thinking!"

Rory seems near tears and Lane asks gently, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah. I just have been so busy trying to keep Mom's mind off of it, I haven't really had a chance to let it sink in. It's just sort of hitting me now."

"I want to give him a nice, swift kick to the shin."

"It's just Luke, you know?"

"I know," Lane says understanding.

"Mom has just had the worst luck with men in her life. We finally thought this was it, you know?" Lane nods, and Rory continues. "I just thought he could do no wrong."

"Everyone did."

"I just would never think he could-" She cuts her self off, unwilling to repeat the words. She continues, defeated. "All the signs were there. Mom suspected something was up. I just wish I could have been here."

"There isn't anything you could have done."

"I know," she relents.

Lane groans. "I have to face him tonight."

Rory frowns. "I'm sorry. I wasn't thinking. I just had to talk to somebody about it."

"Maybe I can call in sick."

"You need the money."

Lane sighs. "I know. I guess I have to face him sooner or later."

"Try not to kick him in the shin," Rory says, only half-joking.

"It's going to take some self-discipline, but I'll try."

"Well I should go back home so I can be there when she gets off of work."

"You'll be here this weekend?"

"Yeah. Maybe we can hang out before I go back?"

"Sure."

"I'll call you tonight and let you know how it was."

"Oh yeah! Please. The evil side of me hopes he's miserable."

"From what I can tell, he's definitely that."

Rory pauses. "Do you know who she is?"

Lane looks at her wearily. "I think. If it's who I think it is, I saw her a couple of times."

Rory hesitates again. "Is she, I mean, would you consider her pretty?"

Lane looks at her and frowns. "She's no Lorelai, but definitely pretty."

---

Lane's first hour of work had been rather calm. Luke had seemed as eager to avoid her and she was to him. She methodically went through her duties, trying to keep her seething to a minimum. The busy diner had aided her mind from straying to her and Rory's earlier conversation.

It's in the second hour that things change for the worse. She senses the change in the atmosphere; a weariness settling over her.

As she picks up two plates, a woman catches her eye. On high alert, she sees her before she enters the diner, and her stomach drops. She instantly looks around in panic. Luke is in the back and Lane immediately puts the plates she was ready to deliver down, much to the chagrin of waiting customers.

"Hey!" says one of the hungry customers, as she abandons the plates on the bar and goes to the woman who had just timidly entered the diner.

"Hi," Sarah says unsurely to the woman who greets her with an icy glare.

Lane immediately cuts to the chase. "I don't think you should be here," she says strongly.

Sarah lowers her head and nods. "I'm not here to cause trouble. I just need to speak to Luke."

"I don't think that's a good idea." She stands strong.

"Hey Miss! Can I get my sandwich?" The irate customer yells.

Lane ignores him. "In fact, I think that it's a really bad idea."

"I'm sorry, but I don't know you and I'm pretty sure you don't know me. Look, I need to talk to Luke. Is he here?"

"Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Lane. Best friend of Rory Gilmore. Do you know who Rory Gilmore is?"

Sarah shakes her head, a little scared of where this is most assuredly heading.

"Can I get some coffee?" another customer asks.

"Rory is the daughter of Lorelai. You know who Lorelai is don't you?" Lane pushes on.

"Order up!" Caesar yells.

"Miss!" yet another customer says irately, as he notices the server at a standstill.

Sarah nods. "Okay. That makes sense." She sighs. "Like I said, I'm not here to cause trouble. I respect you wanting to protect your friends, but I just need to talk to-"

Luke finally pops his head out of the kitchen, hearing the patrons grumbling annoyances. "Lane? What the hell is going on out there?"

He stops suddenly when he sees Sarah, and notices Lane's defensive position. "Oh," he says plainly.

Sarah smiles tightly at him and waves her hand, embarrassed.

"Oh," Luke repeats. He rubs his forehead and sighs. Lane looks back at him, easily portraying her discontent with the situation.

Sarah finally breaks the silence meekly. "I just wanted to talk to you."

Luke looks at her and around the diner and sighs. "Lane, can you cover out here for a few minutes?"

Lane's mouth drops open in shock. "No I can't," she says, surprising herself.

Luke looks at her speechless. He knows she knows, as her look seems to be portraying her desire to kick his shins. "Okay," he says, scratching his head, trying to decide what to do.

"I can't be in the middle of this Luke. I'm sorry." With a deep breath she continues. "I quit." She takes off her apron and places it on the counter.

"You quit," Luke repeats dumbly.

Lane sighs. "I'm sorry. Lorelai is like a second mother to me. I just can't be in the middle of this."

Luke nods numbly. "Okay," he says defeated.

Luke looks back over to Sarah, who looks somewhere between shocked, confused, and guilty.

"Please don't say you're doing this because of me," Sarah says, as Lane breaks eye contact with Luke.

Lane tries to muster up something other than anger and looks back to Luke. She takes a deep breath and tries to think of something to say to set the stranger at some sort of ease. However, there's nothing nice to say, so she says nothing at all. She shrugs and walks out of the diner.

Luke drops his head as the door closes. Sarah watches, her mouth slightly agape.

"God Luke, I'm sorry."

Luke shakes his head, still looking at the ground. He takes a calming breath and looks back up. He tilts his head towards the storage room and she slowly begins to move towards it. Luke follows, yelling to Caesar in the back.

As Caesar comes out and starts delivering dishes, the crowd slowly turns back to their plates, mumbling things about "dinner theater".

Luke closes the door behind him.

"Oh Luke. I'm so sorry."

Luke shakes his head. "It's okay. Not your fault."

"You're a mess," she says, looking at his face.

He takes a deep breath. "Why are you here, Sarah?"

"You told Lorelai," she says, knowingly.

"Of course."

"Are you okay?" she asks, sympathetically.

"Me and Lorelai? No. We're not. Me? No. I'm not," he replies simply. "That was the most stupid thing I've ever done."

She looks a little burned. "Sorry."

He looks up at her, knowing he's hurt her feelings. "I did it. I'm taking responsibility. I betrayed her. I hurt her. She doesn't trust me. And frankly, I don't trust myself anymore. I have no idea what to think. I have no idea what to do. I just can't believe I-" he trails off somberly.

Sarah takes a deep breath, taking it all in. "Is there anything I can do?" Luke sighs. She continues, "I could talk to L—"

"No," Luke says fiercely. She's taken aback, but he doesn't notice. "I don't think we should talk anymore," he says with finality. "That's what I was supposed to say last time. Before." He sighs, remembering the moment that changed everything.

"You just sort of ran out of there," she says. "I'm sorry I came here. I just had to see if you were okay."

"Not okay," he says plainly.

She sighs. "Yeah, I can see that."

He sighs and looks back up to her. She looks genuinely concerned, and he'd be lying if he didn't say that it felt nice to have someone look at him with something other than complete betrayal. But amidst all of the feelings floating around, one is surprisingly absent. It overwhelms him, and as he looks at her, he nearly smiles. Nearly.

She notices the change in his expression, and smiles curiously. "What?"

"Nothing." He shakes his head, disbelieving.

She senses a near smile, and asks again, "What is it?"

He looks at his feet, swallowing a self-loathing chuckle. When he looks back up, he's frowning, but she can see the relief in his eyes.

"I don't have feelings for you."

Her smile disappears completely. "Huh," she says, a little disturbed by his epiphany.

"I'm sorry. I'm sure that's not what you were expecting. And it was really nice of you to come make sure everything was okay." He pauses, and still senses the unintentional disruption to Sarah's psyche. He continues, "Your ex-husband is an idiot. You're a great woman. You're nice and funny, and very attractive. And some guy is going to be very lucky to find you."

Her smile returns, with traces of sadness. "I get it." She nods. "That's good for you," she says as convincingly as possible.

"And I'm sorry that we can't be friends. I do enjoy your company, I just-" he hangs his head, sighing. "I wish I would have handled things differently."

Sarah crosses her arms in front of her, smiling sadly. "I can't believe I'm about to say this but-"

This grabs his attention and he raises his head curiously.

"Maybe this is what you had to do to get here."

"Here being alone and miserable, and hurting the person I care about the most?"

She looks at him sadly. "You're a very selfless person Luke. You are a people pleaser of the worst kind."

"I don't know what to be more disturbed about, 'people pleaser' or 'people pleaser of the worst kind', what ever that means," he says with a touch of annoyance.

"It's a person who will take the bruises and bumps for other people's happiness, disregarding their own."

"I was _unfaithful_ to Lorelai," Luke protests incredulously.

"And yet that is all you can think of."

"Of cour-" he starts loudly, and catches himself, continuing on softer, still angry. "Of course it is."

She sighs, "And I don't mean to belittle that. That's not what I mean, it's just-" She takes a deep breath. "Dwelling on what happened isn't going to fix anything. Especially something that was just a means to an end."

"Huh?" His anger is diffused by confusion.

"Maybe you did what you had to do to get here," she repeats.

"I'm sure there's some twisted logic in this merry-go-round we're riding on, but again I ask: Here?"

"Here being knowing what you really want." She raises her eyes shyly, watching confusion slowly drain from his face. Replaced is the pained look she's become all too accustomed with. She sighs and continues, "I'm sorry for doing this to you. I'm sorry for all the trouble I've caused."

He nods numbly. "I should have handled things differently."

She takes him in, watching with sadness as he face runs a myriad of emotions. A bitter scoff ends the turmoil. "What I really want huh?"

She shrugs, self conscious of her own advice.

"Too bad in that figuring out what I really want, I might have lost it."

She smiles sadly. "And unfortunately, that's where my sage advice runs out."

Another scoff. He pulls the corner of his mouth toward his cheek, fighting a frown. He looks at her and nods kindly. "Take care of yourself, Sarah."

"You too, Luke." She tries a smile. "And good luck with," she trails off. "Everything."

He nods understanding and sighs deeply. "Thanks."

Sensing the conversation over, she gives him one last nod and walks past him to the door, leaving as suddenly as she appeared.

When Luke exits the storage room, he's relived that no one from the town is in the diner. He nods to Ceasar, who gives him a concerned look. He shakes it off, and walks to the counter retrieving Lane's apron. He holds it, and sighs sadly. It's just one more reminder of how far off track things have gotten, and just how many people have been affected by his horrible decision. The mountain of guilt washes over him as he hangs the apron by the phone. As the bell rings on the diner door, Luke turns quickly into the kitchen, continuing to successfully avoid the townies.

---

"I quit!"

"What? Oh no Lane, say you're kidding."

"Not kidding."

Rory puts her head in her hands. "Oh, Lane."

Lorelai walks in the front door with stacks of paper from the inn. She opens her mouth widely to announce her presence, but overhears Rory and Lane talking. She curiously walks into the den and sets the papers down. She starts to join in with the girls but stops dead in her tracks when she hears Rory's slightly panicked voice.

"But that's your job!"

Lane spreads her arms proudly, "It was so liberating!" She walks around Rory's bed, reenacting the story with wild motions and movements. "I took the apron off and slammed it to the counter and said, 'Take this job and shove it, you two-timing-'"

Rory cuts her off, "Okay, getting a little theatrical in here Lane. What happened?"

Lorelai's mouth is agape and takes a big step towards Rory's room to object, when she hears-

"_She_ came into the diner."

Lorelai again is rooted to the floor. She visibly deflates and bites her bottom lip – the ethical battle raging inside of her.

Rory is aghast. "_She, _she?"

"_She_, she," Lane confirms. "And what's worse, when I tell her to leave-"

Rory cuts her off, her face embarrassed, "Oh Lane, you didn't."

Lane puffs her chest out. "Oh yes I did. I don't know what happened. Suddenly, I was like this person I'd never been before-" she gasps in recognition. "I am turning into my mother!" She sits on the bed in shock.

Rory smiles at her friend. "Tell me what happened."

Lane comes out of her coma and continues. "Well Luke comes out of the kitchen and it's all awkward and he tells me to take over. I tell him no."

"You said 'no'?" Rory confirms, a little disbelieving.

"I said 'no' and that I wouldn't be in the middle and that I love Lorelai. She's like a mom to me and you're like a sister-" she trails off, getting more and more sentimental.

Rory frowns and hugs her friend. "My mom is not going to like that you quit."

Lane slowly comes out of the hug in shock. "Oh my god. I can't quit my job! What am I going to do?"

Lorelai sighs, debating on whether or not to let her appearance known. When Rory, the usual voice of reason doesn't speak up, she clears her throat and walks to the open doorway, alerting them of her presence.

"Oh. Hi, Mom," Rory says in shock.

Lorelai sighs. "Go get your job back Lane. I appreciate the gesture of solidarity but it's a good job. I know Luke pays you better than you could get anywhere else. Don't lose your job for my benefit."

Lane, also a little shaken up by her appearance, nods obediently. "Okay, okay," she startles, correcting herself. "Yes, Ma'am."

Lorelai doesn't feel up for commenting on the "Ma'am" bit, so she just forces a smile. "Good. Now I have some work to do, so I'll just be upstairs."

She turns swiftly, her facade tumbling as she turns. Her stomach is somewhere near her feet and she can't help but notice she feels nauseous. She climbs the stairs quickly, as the tears fall.

"Oh god," Rory puts a pillow over her head.

"How much do you think she heard?" Lane asks, still recovering.

"Everything," Rory mumbles. "I'm sure she heard everything.**"**

---

Luke figures it's only a matter of time before he is outlawed from the town. He figures his diner will most likely be stormed with angry townies, carrying torches and stones. He walks into his dark, depressing apartment, sitting on the couch miserably.

He doesn't know if he's ever quite felt this alone. If possible, he's successfully alienated himself from everyone he's ever considered an acquaintance. As much as it pains him to admit it, he even misses Kirk a little bit. _For entertainment purposes only_, he gruffly reminds himself.

His phone is miserably silent, and tonight, like every night, he runs himself through the gauntlet of self-loathing. The conversation with Sarah busy running circles inside his head.

Of course he knows what he wants. It chills him to the bone to think there was even a possibility he wasn't sure before. And he wants to tell her he loves her, because for the first time, he can feel the words in every bone in his body. His shoulders ache and stomach tightens when he thinks of it. It manifests itself as a physical ache in his soul. And he feels like if he doesn't speak the words that seem to mean so much more now, his bones will break and his muscles will slowly dissolve into his being.

He reaches for the phone, and as has become his custom, he turns sharply away before making the connection. Because he knows he can't. She wants time, and for someone who has asked for the same in the past, he has no choice but to respect that.

He closes his eyes, utterly and totally frustrated that as deep as his feelings go, the mere words sound brittle and repulsive.

---

As the sun slowly rises, Lorelai coats her face with "I'm perfectly okay" concealer and "I couldn't be better" lip gloss. She pulls her hair back, in her one action of defiance against covering up her exhaustion. There will be no curling irons or blow dryers this morning.

She steps out of her house, sneaking out early enough as to not have to run through all the uncomfortable, rehearsed interactions with Rory. As the sun still barely peaks through the trees, she sets foot onto her lawn, only to be startled into near panic by the voice behind her.

"Lorelai?"

She turns sharply, nearly losing her balance. Babette has stood from her sitting position on the swing, a blanket wrapped tightly around her.

"That you, Lorelai?"

"Have you been drinking again Babette?"

Her voice has perked up considerably and she gives a hearty laugh. "No honey! I just don't have my glasses on and it's still nearly dark out here!"

"What are you doing on my porch?"

She answers as if it's completely obvious. "Waiting for you! I knew you had to leave that house eventually."

Lorelai sighs, feeling a little caught, but tries to smile. "Just feeling a little under the weather lately."

"Sick, eh?"

Lorelai goes with it. "Yeah."

"Shouldn't Luke be here taking care of you? I haven't seen hide or hair of him around here in a few days," she asks suspiciously.

"Yeah well-"

"You broke up didn't you! Oh, Patty was right!" She looks at Lorelai and seeing no sign of denial, continues. "That little bi-"

"Babette!" Lorelai cuts her off in the nick of time.

"It's true isn't it?"

"We're just taking some time," Lorelai calmly explains.

"Time?" she asks incredulously. "Now I've been around the block a few times and know what that means," she says, leadingly.

"Time is time, Babette. Me and Luke will figure out what that means," Lorelai snaps back.

She's taken aback. "Sorry hon."

Lorelai sighs. "Sorry. I'm just a little on edge."

Babette tests her bounds. "It was that hussy wasn't it?"

Lorelai weighs her options. "No. It wasn't anyone else. It was between me and Luke and only me and Luke."

Babette looks unconvinced. "Really?"

And in a performance that would have The Academy on their feet, Lorelai answers. "Really."

Babette sighs in relief. "Oh thank god. If he would have done anything like that I would have had to kick his ass, or have Morey kick his ass. And I would have had to stop eating at Luke's, and honey, his meatloaf is to die for."

"I know Babette. Well eat up, because it wasn't Luke."

She nods. "You okay?"

Lorelai forces a smile. "It's just time Babette."

"Well I sure hope you guys figure stuff out soon. You guys are meant to be together."

"That's the word on the street." Lorelai gives her one last tight smile and turns and goes to her car, shaking her head. If one thing was for certain, it was that she couldn't, for her own sanity, turn the town against Luke. With a deep breath, she cranks her car, giving Babette a small wave and watches as she walks back towards her own house. She flips her phone open as she pulls out of the drive.

---

A groggy Rory lazily walks out of her room, fumbling for the ringing phone. "I'm coming, I'm coming."

"Hello?" she answers.

"You just wake up?"

"No. My mom called earlier and woke me up. I've been trying to go back to sleep since then, but to not avail."

"Does she hate me?"

"My mom? No way."

"What did she say?"

"I didn't get to the phone in time. She left some vague message about not telling the town anything that would cause Luke to go bankrupt."

"Sounds like Lorelai."

"So any luck getting your job back?"

Lane hesitates. "Yeah. Lots of luck. Call me a four leaf clover."

"You're a terrible liar."

"I couldn't do it!" she concedes. "I walked up to the diner stairs and turned around. I just can't do it."

Rory sighs.

"Don't tell your mom?" Lane asks hopefully.

"I won't." Rory says, sighing.

---

The good news, Luke thought to himself bitterly, was that without Lane around he found it easy to stay busy. He rarely made appearances into the diner, and when he did, he was always sure it was when no townies were around.

Kirk had been otherwise engaged and had not noticed his absence. All the others, Miss Patty, Babette, and the like, didn't seem to wonder about his whereabouts either.

All had been going too well until, on this fated day, he hears the tell-tale voice of Babette asking for him.

"He's in the back," he hears Caesar say.

He scowls in his general direction. It had been all too quiet, and now he realizes it had simply been the calm before the storm.

"Luke! Luuu-keee!" Babette relentlessly hollers for him.

It is time to face what's coming to him. He knows he has to get it over with. He slowly makes his way to the door of the kitchen, greeted nosily with Babette's concerned face.

"How you holdin' up Honey?"

Luke furrows his brow.

"Lorelai told me all about it Hon. I just had to come see how you were."

He remains furrowed, confused.

"You okay?"

"Yeah," he responds, mainly out of surprise of not being throttled. Babette's face contorts and he realizes how he must have sounded. He corrects himself. "Yeah I'm just great," he says sarcastically and with a scowl. He turns back to the kitchen in an air of anger.

Babette looks after him sympathetically, somehow comforted by his grumpiness.

When he retreats to the kitchen, he loses the scowl and closes his eyes, frowning. Of course she didn't tell them. He's not sure why he expected any less.

---

TBC


	8. More Than A Pretty Woman

_AN: Sorry about the wait guys_. _ I thought this chapter was going to be the end, but of course, it's not_. _Even more than that, this is no where near where I thought this was going to go, and am still wondering why it went this way_._ But here you have it_. _The original chapter eight has not a single sentence that has remained! So different in fact that I may have to post the alternate ending when this is all over_. _Anyway, I'm babbling_. _Enjoy!_

The fact she hadn't called didn't bode well. That he knows.

But on this night, three weeks to the day since their last conversation, he picks up the phone. He squeezes his eyes shut tightly and dials the last number, Babette's words floating fresh in his mind. It rings four times and anticlimactically, he gets her answering machine. He hangs up without leaving a message and tries her cell. Again, an answering machine.

As it had taken a certain amount of courage to dial the number in the first place, he refuses to take no answer for an answer. Hearing her cheerful voice on the answering machine, happily pronouncing to the caller that they have reached "Luke, Lorelai, and Rory", lightens his heart and only furthers his need to talk to her.

With every failed attempt, he grows more and more panicked and anxious. His resolve not wavering.

When he dials her house again, she picks up.

"Hey," she says, calmly.

"Hi," he returns.

There's silence, and he realizes he's called and should probably say something.

"How are you?" he asks, and scowls at himself as the words leave his mouth. His rush to fill the silence had seemed to handicap his brain.

She sighs and begins to speak, but he interrupts.

"Sorry. You don't have to answer that. It was a stupid question."

"You called three times."

He grimaces. "You didn't answer."

"I was ignoring you."

"Oh."

"So it's not an emergency?" she asks, already knowing the answer.

"No. Everything's okay. Well not okay," he starts to backtrack. "Everything's not okay."

She turns concerned. "Are you hurt?"

He sighs at his inability to vocalize what he wants to say. "No. It's not an emergency."

"Oh." Lorelai frowns. "So when you said everything's not okay, you were referring to?" she trails off, but it's clearly a question.

"I miss you. I miss you so much. And I know it's my own fault that I miss you, but I do. And there you go. I'm the reason I miss you and I want to make things right. I know it's my fault. I'm the idiot calling you to tell you that I miss you. I'm pathetic and I miss you and I wanted to call and tell you that." It's not exactly what he had been intending to say, but with the words spoken, he feels a wave of relief for at least being about to get the basic sentiment out. He leans back in the chair, grasping the phone tighter, his relief short lived. As time continues to pass in silence, he becomes more and more anxious, awaiting some sort of response from her.

Still with no answer, he begins to wonder if they gotten disconnected, or worse, she has hung up on him. That thought startles him and he immediately speaks up. "Lorelai?"

"I'm here," she says.

"Okay." He nods, glad she's still with him.

"Luke?"

"Yeah?" he asks, hopefully. He dreams of the myriad of things that she could possibly say. His heart, albeit a somewhat foolish one, hopes for her to say something that leads him to believe that they will get past this.

"I don't know what to say to that. I don't know what you _want_ me to say to that."

"That we can get past this."

"You lied to me."

He starts to protest, but knows he's got nothing to argue. "I thought I was protecting you."

She scoffs angrily. "Protecting me? Seriously? I'll give you a chance to change that answer if you want."

"I thought that if I told you about her, that it would make it real." He shakes his head, trying to form the words. "I thought that if I ignored them, they would go away."

"Them?" she asks, already knowing what he's referring to.

"Yes."

She accepts his non-answer and continues on. "And they didn't go away."

He winces at her wording. "I was confused. And I know that's horrible reasoning, but I don't know how else to explain it. There was the woman who was showing an interest in me and my head knew that there was nothing there, but as soon as it became not an option, it only made me wonder more."

"If we have any future together, that reasoning alone is so flawed that I can't even begin to think of any chance for us to reconcile."

"I understand that, but I'm trying my hardest here to make you understand-"

"That you want what you can't have?" she finishes for him.

"No-"

"Is that why we got together? It was some sort of testosterone-infused conquest?"

"Lorelai, no," he states firmly.

"That's certainly how it sounds to me."

"You know that's not true. You know it isn't."

She pauses. "You doubted us," she states plainly. "You doubted me."

"I never doubted you. I doubted me."

"You doubted how you felt about me," she says, further interrogating him.

"It was never about you."

"It was _all _about me! I was the one who was holding you back. I was the one who wasn't enough-'

"No Lorelai," he says firmly. "You," he has trouble finding the words. "You are all that I need. That I _want_."

He pretends that he doesn't hear her scoff. He pretends that this is going well. He summons up courage to continue, wavering slightly on his false sense of hope. "I want you to know-"

She cuts him off, "I asked you for space."

With his train of thought once again interrupted, he answers quickly and with a touch of annoyance, "I know but-"

"Not just for me Luke. For you too."

"Lor-"

"No." He can tell she's starting to get angry, and he lowers his eyes to the ground, awaiting the onslaught.

"You can't just call me up and tell me that you miss me. You can't do that. Space means physical and emotional and you calling me, or even thinking about me-"

"I'm not supposed to _think_ about you?" he asks incredulously.

"How do you think I feel?"

"I know how you feel," he returns quietly.

She pauses and he can feel her adjusting the phone. Her tone is lowered considerably. "Times about a million."

They are quiet for few seconds and Luke sighs.

"I need you to tell me what I can do to make things right with us. Because I'll do it. Anything that you want. Anything. I can't just sit around here hating myself anymore. I have to do something other than feel like I'm doing nothing. I can't do it anymore."

"I need you to go to the hardware store, buy some materials, and whip up a time machine. Go back in time and not, do what you did."

He sighs deeply. "If I could, I would in a second."

"Would you?" she asks bitterly.

"What?" He's thrown and struggles to say too much at once, leaving him nearly speechless. He finally finds his words. "Of course I would! I never wanted to hurt you. I never wanted this to happen to us. To make us _this_ couple."

She softens and he can hear her moving around. He thinks she may be lying down. Or sitting up. He can picture her in their bed. He wishes he could be there and could see her motions. "I'm just wondering if we'd be better now without the kiss," she says reluctantly.

"I'd certainly feel better," he says incredulously.

"You'd still be hiding this from me. You'd still be wondering. You'd have still doubted us. That is what I can't get over Luke."

"Can I come over?" he speaks with the emotions of need shooting through him, clouding his brain. Rationally speaking, he knows he's asking a lot. And given the words that have exited her mouth-

"We-" Her voice breaks his train of thought. She pauses, thinking. Her two options are clear and the one resounding voice in her head, the one she refuses to call by name, (reason), seems to lose as the attempt of words, of strength, grow more and more brittle.

"I-" she starts again. Her emotions fill in the blanks in her head: Want to see you, want you to want me, need you to want me.

She sighs.

"I just need to see you," he says, and she feels her defenses grow weaker.

"Okay."

"Okay?" he asks, a little too surprised, he thinks. "Okay," he repeats, scared to let her think more about it. "I'll see you in a second."

He knows she's hung up, before he hears the dial tone, but his feet carry him to the door faster than he can feel any sting. He sees the small light at the end of the tunnel and hopes that it's not headlights.

He knocks on the door quickly and she's expecting him. She opens before he can even lower his hand and says, "You didn't have to knock."

"You were obviously expecting me to."

"Because I know you. The same way I know you will stand out there until I invite you in."

He looks at her and takes a step forward, wavering, watching her face. She raises her eyebrows and takes a step back, still making no motion of invitation.

He brings his foot back and looks at her carefully. "Is this a trick?"

"You mean is there a bucket of water over the threshold? No."

He sighs, annoyed. "Lorelai."

She smiles slightly and he furrows his brows. She breaks into a full smile, as he watches her mystified.

He takes a deep breath. "Should I be scared right now?"

She smiles wider. "Of my booby-trapped house?"

"That you are smiling slightly manically right now, and are pretty mad at me at the moment. I don't think it's completely insane, considering all-"

Her smile completely vanishes and she throws up her arms, turning sharply into her house. "You suck, you know that?"

He doesn't hesitate to follow her. "Have you been drinking?"

She sighs and mumbles, "I should have put a bucket of water up there." She throws herself on the couch, closing her eyes with her head resting on the back.

And he stands there watching intently, as she remains completely still. Her unexplained smile making no second appearance.

He begins to move slowly, and sits next to her. The moment is so quiet it would be awkward if it were not them.

She finally begins to speak, and he's watching her with so much attention that from the moment he first notices her gearing up for words, (she swallows, her mouth hangs open for a second, she closes it, her jaw tenses, her stomach gently begins to move), his heart starts thumping loudly in his chest. It seems like an eternity before the words begin.

"It's so much easier when we're playing our respective parts. When it comes so naturally to tease you and to watch you become aggravated, even though you're not really aggravated, but your neck becomes tense and you give me those completely bewildered eyes."

She turns towards him and opens her eyes. "Yeah those," she says pointedly. She smiles sadly and pauses. With a deep breath she says, "Okay, I'm ready now."

Her head remains on the back of the couch, eyes open watching him tiredly. His face softens as he scans her face. They stare at each other until the literal aches in his chest become too much to bear. His hand rises slowly and brushes hair off of her face. She turns to the ceiling and his arm drops dejectedly to the couch.

He swallows the sting and sighs. "Let's not do this tonight. You should get some sleep."

"I don't want to rehash everything again."

"Okay."

"I just want to know what happened yesterday."

He's confused. "Yesterday? Like in the diner? I woke up and met the bread guy."

He looks at her wondering if he's on the right track. She shows no sign of annoyance so he continues, still oblivious to where this is headed.

"Okay, and then-" he pauses, realizing. "Oh."

She sighs. "I hate feeling like you're hiding things from me. I hate having to interrogate you for-"

"You don't have to interrogate me. I will tell you anything you want to know!"

She looks at him for a long moment. "All I need to know, for my own sanity if nothing else, is if you have something there you feel, really feel, like you need to investigate."

He opens his mouth to speak, but she cuts him off. "Please, please, please, when you answer that, please, really think about the answer. Because if at any point I feel like you are placating me in any way, this conversation, relationship, possibility for a future, and you will be out the door."

He stares at her, clearly conflicted.

"If you tell me what you think I want to hear, the only thing I will hear is that our problems run much deeper than what we are currently going through."

"No," he says strongly.

Too quickly for her liking, she exhales loudly and brings her head and body up off the couch annoyed. "God Luke!"

He's completely taken aback. "What?"

"I wanted you to actually think about this! This is it. This is what we both have to know right now and you are telling me what you think I want to hear! This is a problem. This is a big fucking problem!"

He's standing as well with this. "You want me to say 'Yes'?"

"Yes!"

"No!" he counters strongly. "I will not lie to you to, in some twisted way, make you feel justified and content or whatever it is you are searching for here because it's not true! There is absolutely nothing there and I know that, she knows that, the only person who apparently doesn't know that is you!

"Every day I play over what has happened and how easily I could have handled this differently. Every day I sit in my apartment and try to imagine my life without you, and I can't! I can't do it! What do I have to do to make you see that I need you! I love you. I only want you. I need you. I need you to forgive me. Damn-it, what do I have to do?"

They stand staring at each other breathing heavily. Her eyes drop to the floor and he thinks she about to say something when the back door opens and conversation enters the kitchen.

Luke and Lorelai both whip their heads towards the noise and stare shocked and embarrassed, awaiting them to enter the room. As the voices, clearly Rory and Lane, obliviously enter Rory's room, Luke breaks his composure and falls onto the couch, defeated and ashamed for yelling. He puts his head in his hands and Lorelai watches him. She slowly moves towards Rory's room. He can hear her saying something in a low voice and then gently closing the door.

He adjusts his hands and realizes that his face his hot and wet, and he hears her footsteps gingerly approaching him. She gently pulls his upper arm and he takes one last wipe at his face before he easily complies, standing up. She holds tightly to his arm, and walks him towards the foyer. His feet begin to move slower as they approach the door and the realization of their destination hits him.

"I wasn't placating you," he whispers and stops, refusing to move anymore.

He feels her eyes on him but can't bring his stare away from the imposing door.

"I know," she says gently back. "I know."

The reassurance allows his feet to move again and she opens the door. Half expecting a swift kick to the curb, his body tightens in defense. She squeezes his arm reassuringly and closes the door behind both of them.

Confused, he turns his gaze to her, but she continues walking down the stairs. With her hand on his arm the entire way, they make their way to the diner and she reaches for the key above the door. Still confused, he makes no motion to stop her. She opens the door, they enter, and she locks it behind them.

She releases his arm and stands in front of him. She takes in his expression, and he stares back at her, disorientated. She turns and walks up the stairs to his apartment.

He watches her go, and stands dumbstruck in the middle of the diner. His feet slowly make the first move to follow her. Slowly, he climbs the stairs in curiosity and confusion. His door is standing open, and as he reaches the threshold, he sees her sitting on the edge of his bed.

She looks up at him, and he winces as he recognizes the vulnerability in her eyes.

"Come here," she says.

He closes the door and obeys, making his way to the bed, sitting next to her carefully. As he sits, his eyes don't leave her, and he watches horrified as her arms as they reach for the bottom of her shirt.

"What are you doing?" he asks startled.

But she doesn't stop, continuing her motions, taking her shirt over her head. She looks at him, and smiles sadly. "Can we just-?"

She reaches for her bra and his heart stops beating and he's sure he's dead. When she places her hand on his thigh, he takes a deep breath in and it's only then he realizes he had not been breathing. She reaches up for the buttons on his shirt, working them through their holes, her gaze intently fixed on her objective.

He knows he should fight this, he knows that this is not right. But she's so fragile and he's never seen her in such a vulnerable state. He can not reject her. He doesn't want to, fighting his hands that desperately want to grab hers. He helps her as she slides his shirt off and raises his hands only to allow her to pull his undershirt over his head.

He makes a rash decision, and one he learns to regret immediately, as he leans in to her lips. She instinctively ducks her chin and begins her work on his pants.

He closes his eyes tightly in complete pain and near humiliation of his naivety.

"Lorelai," he says simply.

"Hmm?" she asks, and he's almost enraged at her nonchalance.

Still refusing to look up at him, he tries again. "Lorelai."

She pauses and looks up at him. "I need this Luke."

His eyes soften and he takes his hands to her arms, rubbing them up and down. "I love you Lorelai. I-"

She squeezes her eyes shut and shakes her head. "Luke, just-" she trails off.

He moves off of the bed and can feel the tips of her fingers desperately reaching for him as she gasps. He turns towards her and as he begins to approach her, she readily climbs back on the bed and lies down. He brings his knees to the bed and hovers over her. He stares at her sadly, and she brings her hands up to his hips. Pulling him down. He holds strong and instead leans his lips towards her once again. With the small movement, he sees the panic in her face. The self-hatred comes to the surface in a painful way that constricts his throat and makes his eyes burn.

He can't bring himself to fight her anymore. He takes his lips to her neck and he feels her entire body relax. She wins the rest of the battle too, and pulls his lower half off of his knees.

**TBC**


	9. This Is The End

**My apologies for the huge delay. This summer has been a little hectic to say the least and I haven't even been able to type a word since April. Thanks for hanging in there.**

**I always want to respond to all of your reviews but I feel so awkward saying "Thank you" etc, about a million times. (Or "I'm sorry" for that matter.) Instead, I'll take this opportunity to give a really large thank you to everyone who gave this a chance and stuck with me and, dare I say, actually enjoyed the ride. The reviews are what kept me going, especially the ones that showed you guys care for these characters and that really forced me to try my best to be true to them. Thanks for suspending your belief with me and maybe even a little bit of your disbelief. It's been a lot of fun, awaiting the reactions on the edge of my seat. I aged as if bad reviews weren't the worse case scenario. Awaiting the tomatoes, waiting for some one to get it and go with me.**

**I don't know why, but I had to get this story out of my head and am so glad that I had you guys along with me. I've been as surprised as you at every turn and have suffered right there along with you, believe it or not. I have, (I think), said it before, and I'll say it again: I am simply the pencil pusher for a stream of consciousness that I'm sometimes embarrassed to call my own, (and man is it a drama queen). Well, if you haven't gathered by now, this is a send-off, as this chapter concludes this story. I can't thank you all enough, as this has been just a fantastic experience for me. Writing and otherwise. (Sorry for possibly the longest Author's Note ever.) **

•••

He stares up to the ceiling waiting for it to fall down onto him. He's laid in this exact position for the past hour. He was in this exact position as Lorelai walked out of his apartment. As she released a sob in his hallway behind the safety of the closed door. So he stares, analyzing the patterns in the surface, waiting for the first chip of paint to flutter down from above. He silently pleads with it to collapse atop him.

He has wanted to get up more than once. He's wanted to move, to run, to kick something, throw something; make some sort of noise in the still and haunted apartment.

She had been staring at the bathroom door and he, still and looking at the back of her head, had whispered, "Please don't leave."

Her inability to even look at him didn't give him much hope for that happening. So he apologized and she had told him to shut up. It hadn't been harsh, but more pleading, as if the words were beginning to lose meaning. He suspected they were. So he told her that he would do whatever she needed to help them get past this. She sighed deeply and had moved to sit on the edge of the bed, her back to him.

"I feel like I've been hit by a bus," she had said solemnly.

"I'm s-" he stopped himself. "You want coffee?" he asked instead, and immediately felt ridiculous.

"I want to get past this. I want to forget it ever happened. I want to be able to...Everything."

He had nodded in understanding. He had understood. He had moved onto his elbow and placed his hand on her back, rubbing soothing circles.

"I have to go," she had said at his touch, without moving.

But he had moved his hand away and tried to hide his disappointment

Then he hadn't moved to stop her. He hadn't said another word. He watched as she left, and he hadn't said another word. He wasn't sure what to do after that, so here he remains on his bed, wishing for the ceiling to crush him.

He deserves every last beam and tile and board that the heavens could throw at him. And the wait is physically hurting him, as he feels his breathing getting shallow and the muscles tensing in his arms. Finally breaking, he grabs his shoe from the floor beside him and whips it towards the ceiling, hitting with a small "thud" and falling gently beside him, mocking him with silence. He thinks he's never felt so stupid.

•••

Rory looks up from the couch, muting the television as the door opens. Her mom enters the room and offers a shaky smile.

"How'd it go? You okay?"

Lorelai lets out a weak scoff. "I just don't know Honey."

"You were gone for a while. Did you guys work anything out?"

She puts her hands to her face and muffles a small yell.

"That good, huh?" Rory says sarcastically.

"I need to go to sleep," she responds, not removing her hands.

"Can we just talk? I'm worried about you."

Lorelai sighs and removes her hands moving to sit next to Rory. "Oh Honey, I'm sorry that you've been here for this."

"I'm not," she responds unapologetically.

"It's my stupid mess, and look at you." She motions to Rory's concerned face.

"It's Luke's stupid mess which makes it your stupid mess, which I'm not sorry to say, also makes it my stupid mess."

Lorelai can't help but feel a small weight lift as she looks at her daughter, sitting there so concerned, so rooted in her statement.

"I'll always be here for you Mom. Men, they may come and go for both of us, but we have to stick together."

Lorelai lets out a shaky breath, not daring to state the obvious.

"I'm never leaving you again." Rory sits up straight and her words come out so confidently that Lorelai sits back on the couch.

"Hon," she says tiredly. "We're probably going to fight again."

"And I'm not going to run again. Me and you. We're the unstoppable team. Separate, we aren't half as good as we are when we're together. And I know that now. I know I need you, and that you need me, and you're going to have me forever and ever."

Lorelai looks to her daughter, touched.

"Are you going to change my diapers when I'm old and gray?" Lorelai says with a small smile.

Rory looks slightly disgusted and Lorelai laughs.

Rory gives a small smile. "I will find the best diaper changer in the world and pay them lots of money to take good care of my Mommy."

"That's as good as I can ask for from a weak stomach like yourself," Lorelai says, with an air of teasing.

Rory grabs her Mom's hand. "You smell like him."

"Luke?"

Rory nods, rubbing her thumb in a small circle on her mom's hand.

"Then I should probably shower, huh?"

"Mom?"

The vulnerability in her voice feels oddly familiar. Like from years ago when she'd ask about her dad, or even longer ago, her grandparents.

Lorelai squeezes her hand and she continues. "Are things going to be okay with you and Luke?"

"I want them to be," she answers honestly.

Rory nods. "It's okay if they're not, you know. We'll be okay."

"We like him a lot though."

"Most of the time," Rory adds.

"Most of the time," she confirms, with a decisive nod.

"He likes us too," Rory says gently.

Lorelai sighs. "I know."

The a silence and Lorelai leans her head to her shoulder, and unapologetically takes a long breath at her shirt, bringing the familiar scent to the surface.

Rory smiles. "I bet he'd change your diapers."

Lorelai returns the smile. "He'd better."

Her smile fades back down and she feels herself welling up again.

Rory watches sadly. "I think he made a mistake."

"Understatement of the year, Hon," she says, fighting the tears from falling.

Rory is silent for a long moment. "I want them to be okay too."

Lorelai takes a calming breath and disengages her hand carefully, patting Rory on the leg.

"You'll always have him, no matter what happens between us," she says reassuringly to Rory.

She sniffs, obviously affected by her mom's emotion. "It wouldn't be the same though."

Lorelai sighs. "I'm sorry, Sweets."

"I'm sorry too, Mom."

Lorelai takes a deep breath. "I'm going to go get some sleep."

"What about the shower?"

Lorelai gives a small smile. "I think I can go a little while longer."

Rory nods. "Sounds good."

Lorelai stands up from the couch, slowly stretching her legs tiredly.

"Oh yeah," Rory says suddenly. "Lane got a check from Luke today."

Lorelai squints her eyes accusingly. "She didn't go get her job back, did she?"

"Nope. But Luke paid her anyway."

Lorelai sighs. "Sounds about right."

"I'll talk to her."

"Tell her to go back and at least talk to him. If she doesn't want to go back, he's going to have to hire someone. He'll work himself into the ground."

"On guilt alone."

"I'm going to talk to him too."

"Good."

"Tomorrow though. I think we've done enough _talking_ for one night."

Rory frowns. "I don't even want to know why there was an emphasis there."

"I'm pretty sure you're right," Lorelai says with a disapproving frown of her own.

"Oh Mom," Rory says, sadly.

"It's not as bad as it sounds," she assures her.

"I hope it wasn't anything too self-destructive."

"Well I am Lorelai Gilmore after all."

"Mom," she says, sympathetically.

"It's okay Sweets. I'm feeling a lot better after this talk."

"Yeah?"

"Things will get straightened out soon. For better or for worse, I guess."

"No matter what happens, it'll be for better in the long run. I firmly believe that."

"Good." Lorelai nods. "I like your optimism."

"It's here. Day and night."

"You and your optimism need to get back to school tomorrow."

Rory sighs. "Me and my optimism can be reached by telephone any time you need us."

"Good."

Rory nods. "Good."

•••

She can tell the diner's busy from her spot behind the gazebo. She can see Lane back in an apron and smiles.

She had slept well last night. She had risen early and helped Rory pack her car. With a few tears and many reassurances, Rory had finally driven away. A small smile crept onto her face as she proudly watched the Prius drive away silently. For the first time in the past few weeks, she had felt peace. In that moment, she made a decision.

Luke was still nowhere to be found when she approached the diner. Lane spotted her and moved to the door, meeting her at the bottom of the stairs.

"You're here!" Lane says excited.

"I'm here," Lorelai returns with nervous enthusiasm.

"Rory got off okay this morning?"

Lorelai nods. "She's back where she should be."

"Good," Lane says with a nod. "I talked to her last night."

Lorelai smiles. "Hence the getup." She motions to the apron.

Lane's smile disappears. "He hasn't said much. But I could tell he was relieved to have me back."

"Who wouldn't be?" Lorelai grins.

"You want me to get him for you?" Lane asks, gently.

"Ah," Lorelai says, looking over her shoulder. "I think he's already spotted me."

Lane turns and looks. Luke is standing in the doorway, nervously pretending to work. Casting an anxious glance to her and quickly looking away.

Lorelai smiles sadly. "Think you can handle things for a bit?"

"I can do that."

Lorelai smiles. "I'm glad you're back."

"I'm glad you're back."

Lorelai takes a deep breath with a tight smile. Lane takes notice and her smile falters.

Breaking the moment, Lorelai motions to the door. "Shall we?"

Lane turns and opens it, Lorelai following.

Lane picks up where she left off, attempting to hush the nosey townsfolk with food. Lorelai approaches the counter and Luke meets her on the other side.

"Hey," he says quickly. She thinks she can see the gleam of sweat on his forehead.

Without a word she motions her head to the stairs. His shoulders come up with a deep breath. Defeated, he nods, not liking the air of doubt in her eyes.

He leads the way, heavy footsteps making little noise. The climb to the top seems to last longer than she's ever remembered. Him fighting his shaky legs to climb faster than the current pace he's unknowingly set.

As they enter the door, his pace changes significantly. With a glance to her, he speedily goes into the kitchen. "Want some coffee or something?"

"No thanks," she replies.

"Water, juice?" he asks uneasily, moving to the refrigerator.

"I'm good."

Luke wipes his hands on his pants.

"I'll make coffee."

"Luke."

He stops and slowly turns to her.

"Sorry I left so quickly yesterday."

"I can hardly blame you. I shouldn't have-" he starts embarrassed.

"We shouldn't have," she corrects. "And it's okay."

He lets out a deep breath.

"Can we sit?" she asks.

Luke nods and Lorelai sits easily. She looks up at him expectantly and he remains in the kitchen. Back to the pace set on the stairs, he starts towards the couch.

"I'm losing my nerve here," she tries to joke.

He doesn't laugh. "This is it isn't it?"

She closes her eyes and sighs. "Luke, come sit down."

"I don't want to sit down," he returns quickly.

"Fine."

"Okay," he says, steeling himself.

"When I left here last night," He's hanging on her every word, unknowingly leaning closer to the couch. She sniffs. "I knew it was over."

"It?" he says alarmed. "It? Me and you, it?"

Lorelai watches his anxiety. "I would really feel better if you sat down."

He starts to protest, and then allows his knees to sit him down beside her.

"I thought maybe it would be for the best."

"You-" he starts but she holds up her hand, silencing him.

"I didn't think it was going to be possible to get past this awful feeling I have. You, _you_, betrayed me. You lied. You made me feel awful. I wondered how I could ever possibly forgive you for the way I felt."

He watches her, the reaction of her words, physical, as his stomach turns with nausea.

"And as stupid as last night was, I felt like it only confirmed my worst fears." She seemingly chokes on her next words, and he grabs her hand in habit. Realizing, he starts to pull it away, but she squeezes it, holding it tight. She lowers her eyes and says quietly, in great dismay, "I couldn't even kiss you."

She feels his hand go limp, following suit from the rest of his body.

Hearing the confirmation of what was so painfully obvious last night stings more than he was expecting.

"We can work on that," he says, desperately.

She meets his eyes, with a small, teary grin. "I never thought this is where we'd need work."

"I will do whatever you need," he says, seriously. Urgently.

"I know."

"You know?"

She nods and takes a deep breath. "I think we can get past this."

She feels his hand come alive. His face portrays just how surprised he is to hear the words come from her lips.

"You-" his astonishment, relief, excitement, fights his words down.

She places her free hand gently on his chest. He watches, mystified.

"You'll change my diapers when I'm old and gray," she says as if an explanation, tears threatening her eyes.

"I'm not sure what that means. Is that punishment?"

She looks up, a smile recognizable on her face. "No dummy. That's love."

He's still a little confused, but hearing the word 'love' slip from her lips has softened him, as he watches her forming the next words.

"This isn't something that is just going to click back into place," she says, eyes on her own hand. She's grown serious again. "It's more than the physical aspects. It's about communication. We really need to work on that."

He nods solemnly. "We do. And we will."

"Everything. All the good, and all the bad. And I can forgive but it's going to take a long time to forget."

He nods again.

"But I think it's worth it." She brings her eyes up to his.

"It's definitely worth it."

"And now, it's everything or nothing. I can't, or won't accept any less."

Luke gathers his emotions and nods strongly. "Yes."

She smiles relieved, watching him. "You've turned into a man of few words."

"I don't- I just- Can't-" He sighs, annoyed at himself. He bows his head and then raises it, meeting her eyes with a grin. "I'm happy."

"You know what? I am too." She leans in conspiratorially, "I think we're going to be okay."

He squeezes her hand, and she leans into him, wrapping her arms tightly around his midsection. She rests her head on his shoulder, breathing gently on his neck. He squeezes his eyes tightly, gently running his hands over her back, kissing her shoulder.

"Thank you," he whispers, almost inaudibly.

She kisses his neck in response.

She pulls back, resting her hands on his shoulders.

"You should get back to work," she says resolutely.

He smiles. "I'll see you later?"

"You bet."

He brings his hand up to her face, gently pushing her hair back. "Can I bring you and Rory some dinner tonight?"

"You can bring me dinner tonight. Rory went back to school."

"Is she-?" he asks, stricken. He continues carefully. "Um-mad at me?"

"She was." Lorelai answers truthfully. "But we talked last night, and again this morning. She's happy that we're going to try and make this work."

"We are going to make this work. I don't think I'm physically able to have it any other way."

"She's coming home next weekend and if you're free, we're going to have dinner and get you two kids back on track."

He grins, far from annoyed. "You mean I'm going to make dinner and you guys are going to mock me mercilessly?"

She nods, patting his leg. "I wouldn't want it any other way."

"Me either," he says seriously.

She breaks the moment with reluctance. "Lunch rush is coming up. You should get back down there."

"You're right," he says, standing up and reaching out his hand to her.

She takes it gratefully and stands, brushing her hands over her skirt.

"This went well," she says with a smile.

He nods, unable to take his eyes off her smile.

She turns and they walk to the door. With her hand on the handle she turns. "Hey Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"One more thing."

He stands watching her intently; curious. She leans in and all at once wraps her arms around his neck and brings him in for a blistering kiss. He's caught off guard and slow on the uptake, he wraps his arms fully around her, bringing her to him gently. The kiss turns gentle within seconds and her body relaxes into his. She feels his smile before she sees it, leaning her head back, arms still firmly wrapped around each other.

She gives him one last peck and smoothes the back of his hair. "I think we're going to be okay."

**The End!**


End file.
